From The Inside
by Vlaatjee
Summary: It's starting with a dream, but soon after that, Vinnie is forced to relive his whole childhood again. Is he gonna be strong enough to make it through?
1. Chapter 1

Thanks for the reviews at my last chapter of 'No More Sorrow'. Really appreciate it.

So, here is the next story. I don't owe The Biker Mice From Mars. All the other characters in this story are mine.

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 **Chapter one**

"Sweetheart, you are getting fat! I can hardly lift you…", Vinnie started but Violet gave him such a dirty look, he immediately shut his mouth.  
Violet was six months pregnant now, and of course her belly was growing, but she wasn't fat. When you saw her from the back, no one could tell she was pregnant. But of course, Vinnie liked to exaggerate. The white furred mouse smiled sheepishly. He was, of course, strong enough to lift her. So he did and set her gently on her feet. They just came back from a ride on his bike. Violet had insisted to ride her own bike, but Vinnie didn't want to hear it. He was extremely overprotective and worried about the condition from his pregnant girl. She had tried to tell him a million times she was pregnant, not sick, but he refused to listen. So, Violet gave up and let him take care of her. Although she would never say it out loud, she actually found it very cute how he was handeling her pregnancy. He was almost always by her side, to make sure she was okay. He gave her back massages when her back hurted, he massaged her feet when they were swollen, he made sure she ate healthy and when she was sick, he held her hair out of her face. Violet smiled to herself. She never thought he had it in him. But somewhere deep down, she actually always had known. She loved his wild, arrogant and sometimes almost childish side, but she always had known that under the bravado, a sweet and caring gentlemouse was hidden. It was the combination of those two sides she was fallen in love with in the first place.

After their major relation crisis back on Earth, things were changed. Well, Vinnie was changed. He was back to his old, happy self. But when things got tough sometimes, he talked to her. He actually talked to her, without pushing from her side. He told her everything, how he was feeling, what was on his mind… He told her that sometimes, his bad side was still whispering in his ear, but he managed to keep him under control, sometimes with a little help from her. He told her he sometimes got scared to be a father. Violet made sure to be always there for him, to help him and guide him.  
She could also tell him everything that was bothering her. She told him about the loss of her parents, how much she missed them. Especially now she was pregnant. It broke her heart that they weren't be able to meet their son in law and their grandchild. She talked about Liam, about the guy she knew he was. About how traumatizing his death was for her. How she still sometimes was scared that Vinnie would leave her, or cheat on her again. But that fear was slowly fading. He had proved he was there for her. Always. He had rebuilt the trust. Even being on the same planet with Harley didn't matter. They talked again and were friends now.  
In other words, things were going perfectly well with family van Wham. They both had no idea that things soon were about to change…

That night, Throttle, Carbine, Modo, Gaya, Violet and Vinnie were gathered at the beach, chilling by a campfire. Dani and Swee were out and God knows where Rimfire and Jake were. Tread was sleeping in the cabin and Carbine carried some kind of baby monitor with her. Jake had build it for them, with some help of Stoker, so they still could go outside while their little man was sleeping. Throttle sighed and closed his eyes.  
"Oh man… This is living…", he smiled peaceful.  
Carbine smiled back. No matter how much their loved their son, these little moments with peace and quietness were very welcome.  
Vinnie was whispering something in Violet's ear. She gasped and punched him.  
"Vinnie! You can't say these things in public and you know that!", she hissed, but she had a little smile on her face.  
Vinnie laughed and raised his hands.  
"Innocence! Nobody would have noticed if you hadn't punched me… doll."  
Modo smiled, but then grew serious again.  
"Say, Throttle. When is our next trip to Earth planned?"  
Throttle shrugged.  
"In two weeks or so. Why?"  
"We are running low in pickles…", he said, smiling meaningful at Gaya. His wife punched him.  
"Hey! I can't help it I have a strong desire for pickles since I'm pregnant!"  
Everybody laughed out loud. Since Gaya was pregnant, she had a insatiable hunger for the green vegetables. And she became very cranky when she didn't get one if she needed it.  
"Maybe we need to go tomorrow, bro's. You know, to avoid being here when Gaya finds out we don't have any pickles left…", Vinnie said with a teasing smile.  
No surprise it was Vinnie who suggested this. It was him after all who couldn't stop tease her with it. And teasing an angry Gaya… Well, he already found out her anger was almost even worse as her husbands.  
Gaya glared at him.  
"Pussy. I already checked, we still have 10 jars left. So, no need to hide in the bunker, Vinnie. If you can find the entrance, that is..."  
Everybody laughed. It happened once that Gaya was so mad at the white furred mouse, he had hidden himself in the cave.  
Vinnie's cheeks turned red and he was suddenly very busy with the fire.  
Violet shook her head, laughing. She slowly calmed down and rubbed her belly lovingly. She couldn't wait to see their baby. But still three months to go. Would it be a girl? Or a boy? She had the strong feeling it was gonna be a girl. Strangely, Vinnie had the same feeling. Well, time will tell. She yawned.  
"Pfff, I'm tired. I'm going to bed", she said, struggling to stand up.  
Vinnie quickly helped her, since her big belly made it a little bit difficult to get back on her feet by herself.  
"Thanks, cutie. See you later", and she kissed him.  
"You sure you're gonna be okay? Or do I need to come with you?", he asked with a worried look on his face.  
Violet smiled. "I'm fine, Vin. Just tired." And with one kiss on his mouth, she turned around and waggled to their cabin.  
Vinnie followed her with his eyes, but then decided she was indeed okay and he sat down again. Everybody was looking at him.  
"What?", he asked. Nobody said something, they only smiled. Vinnie rolled his eyes and poked with a stick in the fire. He knew he sometimes was too overprotective. But he just couldn't help it. Gaya and Carbine quickly followed Violet, both very tired.  
Vinnie was lying on his belly, staring into the flames. Throttle and Modo were sitting on a tree trunk. Throttle yawned too.  
"Man, war is even less exhausting than raising a kid…", he sighed.  
Modo smiled and patted his bro on the back. He had never seen Throttle this relaxed. The frown on his face, that usually always was there, was gone now. Less worries. Less concerns. But then, they all were way more laid back. Even Vinnie.  
"Taking care of a pregnant girl is also very exhausting", Modo said.  
"That's because of her mood swings, bro", Throttle answered, yawning again.  
"Yeah, she does have them a lot, right? Ah well, she can't help it." Modo yawned too and looked at Vinnie.  
"What's on your mind, bro? You are awfully quiet."  
Vinnie tried to suppress it, but he couldn't win. A huge yawn escaped his mouth. He smiled sheepishly. Modo and Throttle laughed.  
"Even our adrenaline junkie is tired. Wauw, never thought I would see the day", Throttle chuckled.  
"Yeah well… I didn't sleep that well the last few nights", Vinnie explained.  
"Violet is in the way?", Modo asked. Gaya and her big belly almost used their whole bed, forcing Modo to sleep on the edge of the bed or sometimes even on the floor.  
"No… I don't know… I'm having nightmares, but I can't remember them when I wake up…", Vinnie mumbled. That took the full attention from his both bro's.  
"Nightmares?", Modo asked.  
"And you can't remember them?", Throttle added.  
"Eh… Yeah, that's what I just said, right?", Vinnie said, a little surprised by his bro's reaction. It was no big deal. Right? Well, normally his bro's would agree with that. But this was Vinnie they were talking about. The fact that he named it, was for them a warning maybe something was wrong.  
"Strange… And you really have no clue?", Throttle asked, rubbing his chin.  
"Nope… Ah well, it will pass again. No worries."  
His bro's shared a look, but decided to drop it. Vinnie yawned again and slowly stood up.  
"Sorry bro's, but you will have to continue the rest of the night without my awesome presence. I know that's very disappointing, but I am really tired. Night, bro's."  
Throttle and Modo wished him a good night, shaking their heads with a smile. Yep. That was their Vinnie.

Vinnie was twisting and turning, but he couldn't sleep. He sighed. He was so tired, but his brain was wide awake. He didn't quite told the whole truth at his bro's. Well, he did have nightmares and he didn't knew exactly what happened, but he did know one thing. It was about his childhood. He was wondering why he didn't told them. Maybe because he hoped it was gonna pass. But he had this nagging feeling that wasn't going to happen. Since Violet had told him she was pregnant, he was euphoric. But he was also scared. He was damaged because of his childhood. What if he was gonna make the same mistakes with his own child? What if this kid was gonna suffer, just like he did? What if he damaged his own flesh and blood? He talked to Violet about it, but she said it were normal fears. And she told him that she was gonna be there, that they were in this together. That everything was gonna be fine. That he was gonna be an awesome dad. But the truth was… it didn't make him less scared. No… With one more sigh, he turned around and slowly he fell in a deep, restless sleep.

 _Past_

"Dad? Why is mom always so mad?", a small, white furred boy asked. His father, also a white furred mouse, looked at his ten year old son and smiled.  
"Why don't you go grab you ball? So we can play a little ball game in the yard?"  
The boy hesitated. He looked at his dad with big, innocent eyes. His father gave him a little push to the backdoor.  
"Go get your ball, Vincent. I will be right there."  
The little boy looked one more time at his father, but obeyed. He walked outside to the barn and opened the door. He grabbed the ball and walked into their big yard. He sat down on the ground and waited patiently at his father. He was scared for tonight. Tonight, his father needed to go to his work. And he was gonna be gone all weekend. So that meant he was gonna be alone with his mom…  
"Hey little man, why so sad? Come on, show me what you got", he suddenly heard his father's voice.  
Vinnie looked up and smiled. He jumped at his feet and threw the ball with all his strength.  
His dad catched it easily, but had an impressed look on his face.  
"Wow, very good, Vincent. You sure have a good throw."  
Vinnie felt himself grow a little. Yes. He did have a good throw.

But unfortunately, all good things came to an end. Vinnie was standing by the window, waving at his father who left on his bike to work. He was an mechanic for the army and he had irregular working hours. His father had gave him a big hug before he left, but Vinnie had noticed he didn't say goodbye to his mom. Again. First, they were always yelling at each other. But that was changed. They didn't talk, they didn't touch each other. It gave Vinnie hope. Maybe, if they didn't yell anymore, his mom was gonna be nice again.  
When his father was out of sight, he slowly turned around. His mom was sitting at the kitchen table, reading a magazine. She was drinking her evil potion, that's how Vinnie called it. When she was drinking her evil potion, she got even more angry. It also gave her a bad breath. And she started talking weird. Like she couldn't remember the words.  
"What are you staring at, little brat?" Her voice brought him back to reality. He stared at her with wide eyes.  
"I eh.. nothing, mom…", he stuttered. She slowly got up and walked over to him. Vinnie cringed and slowly walked back till he was standing with his back against the wall.  
"You go to bed, NOW! And don't come out till I say you can come out. Understood?!"  
Vinnie nodded, his lower lip trembling. He quickly ran past her to the stairs. When he was in his room, he shut the door and quickly took off his clothes. He jumped in his bed and pulled the blanket over his head. His stomach was growling, since he didn't ate yet. But by the looks of things, it was time to sleep without diner. Like every time his dad wasn't here. Tears filled his eyes. He started crying, he just couldn't stop himself.  
Suddenly, a loud bang on his door.  
"STOP YOUR CRYING, HAIRBALL! NOW!"  
Vinnie curled himself up and tried to calm down. But he couldn't stop crying. He wished his dad was here. His hero…  
His door flew open and the blanket got yanked away. He didn't dear to look at her. He had disobeyed her. Again. She had told him to stop crying, but he didn't. He knew she was gonna yell at him. How stubborn he was. That he was a lost cause. That he was nothing. That he was gonna end in the gutter one day. But she didn't. Vinnie felt confused. Why didn't she yell at him? He slowly opened his eyes and glanced at her from the corners of his eyes. But before he could see her, he felt she grabbed him by his ears. She lifted him from the bed at only one ear. He clenched his jaws to stop the scream. He knew how much she hated loud noise. But why did she hurt him? What was she doing?  
"I told you to STOP crying! WHY DON'T YOU EVER LISTEN!" and she threw him against the wall. Vinnie felt his head bang against the wall and saw stars before his eyes. He curled himself up again and stared at his mother, fear in his big eyes. That made her even more angry.  
"Look at you, you little piece of shit… You are nothing. I hate you, you know that? You ruined EVERYTHING!" and she grabbed him again. She hit him full in the face, over and over again. Vinnie screamed. He just couldn't help it. But she was hurting him…  
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP!", she screamed back, pushing him hard. But unfortunately, they were close at the stairs. He lost his balance and rolled down. He felt something click in his arm and heard a loud crack. He screamed in pain. He landed on the ground floor on his back and he saw his mother running after him. When she was next to him, she kicked him in his side.  
"Stand up, you little brat. STAND UP! NOW!" but Vinnie couldn't. Did he hear a little fear in his mother's voice? He must imagined it.  
"Please, stand up!", but he shook his head. He looked at her with pleading eyes. His mom screamed again and stamped on his leg. He felt another click and the pain was unbearable. The last thing he saw was his mother's face and then, the whole world became black.

 _Present_

Vinnie woke up with a startle. He almost screamed, but he was just in time to stop it. He quickly looked over at Violet and felt relieved she was still sleeping. Good. She needed her rest. He felt he was soaked with sweat. Man… his hands were shaking. He took a few deep breaths to calm down. Shit. Why was he dreaming about her? Next question; why did it look so real? He sighed, his heart slowly calmed down again. It was just a dream, Vinnie. No biggie. Not real… But if had felt real. Like he was there again. Jezus. Come on, just a dream, macho mouse. She is dead. She can never hurt you again… He closed his eyes, hoping he would dream about way more pleasant things this time.

Next morning, he woke up again. Thankfully, he didn't dreamed about his mom again. But he was still upset. Damn. He looked beside him, but saw the bed was empty. How late was it anyway? He looked at the clock. Wow. Already one o'clock in the afternoon. Did he really slept this long? He stretched himself and sighed. God, he felt like shit. He knew it wasn't really macho and badass, but his dream had scared him. It felt so real. His fear, the pain… He rubbed his arm absently. Suddenly, the door flew open. He almost jumped out of his fur, jerked upright and grabbed his gun. Violet stopped when she saw his reaction.  
"Jezus, Vin. Chill. It's just me. Put away the gun!", she yelled angrily, also startled by him. Vinnie stared at the gun for a second and quickly threw it in the corner.  
"Oops, sorry sweetheart. Old habits", he smiled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. Violet walked over to him and sat by him on the bed.  
"You okay?", she asked worried, feeling his forehead. Vinnie closed his eyes at her gentle touch and sighed.  
"Yeah, I'm fine. You?"  
"Yeah, fine. Our baby is busy today", she said, holding her belly.  
Vinnie got upright and gently lay his both hands on her belly. He bend over and rested his ear on the big bump. He smiled. He could hear their little mouse. And he, or she, was very busy indeed. Vinnie planted a kiss on her belly and looked at Violet. She looked tired, but okay. Good. As long as she was okay, he would be too.  
"So, what are the plans for today?", he asked, softly rubbing her arms. Violet planted a kiss on his forehead and got on her feet.  
"Everybody is at the beach. I came here to check on you and to pull on my bikini. You coming?", she asked, busy searching between her clothes.  
She bend over to grab her bikini and Vinnie moaned appreciatively. Violet rolled her eyes.  
"Stop it you. I promised Tread I would take you with me, he is been calling your name for hours now."  
Vinnie smiled and slid out of bed. He walked casually through the room, fully aware he was naked. He walked past Violet to his closet, his tail so called accidentally sliding along her body. Violet froze and stared at his back. Her eyes lowered and she could feel her body react. Dammit, this mouse.  
"Okay, okay! You made your point. Tread can wait…", she said and then with a lower voice.  
"Come here you, macho mouse" and she bit her lower lip.  
Vinnie turned around, his eyes darkened because of her low voice. One corner of his mouth curled up. He came into action, grabbed Violet and carried her gently to the bed. He always got what he wanted. He was a van Wham after all.

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Please review! :)


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews! :)

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 **Chapter two**

 _Past_

"Vincent. Vinnie, wake up." Was someone calling his name? It sounded so far away. He tried to open his eyes, but he couldn't.  
"Vincent, please… wake up, buddy."  
His father's voice.  
The white furred boy slowly opened his eyes. He saw his father's face, with a worried look in his eyes. But it soon replaced by relief when he saw his boy opened his eyes.  
"Vincent! Thank the Mothers of Mars, you're awake. You sure got me scared, buddy."  
Vinnie blinked a few times and looked around him. He was in a hospital bed. He tried to move, but he couldn't. He looked at his body. His arm and leg were in a cast. He stared at it, confused. He tried to move again and a pang of pain jolted through his small body.  
Suddenly, he remembered. Mom had done this to him. He immediately jerked upright and moaned in pain. But he needed to know if she was here. But he didn't saw her.  
"Vincent, calm down. You are in the hospital. You fell off the stairs, don't you remember?", Finn said, pushing his son gently back into the bed.  
Vinnie stared at him, tears in his eyes.  
"Dad… It was mommy…", he whispered, but his father shook his head.  
"No. You fell off the stairs. That's what happened. But you will be okay. You broke your arm, leg and ribs. But you will be fine."  
"No, please, dad… Listen to me…", but his father ignored him. He was suddenly very busy with smoothing the blankets.  
"Dad... "  
Finn lay a hand on Vinnie's head.  
"Ssshhh, it's okay. You need rest. Go to sleep."  
Vinnie gave up. He closed his eyes and fell into a restless sleep.

 _Present_

"Vinnie! Vincent!"  
Vinnie jerked upright, his eyes wide open. He looked around him. He was still at the beach. Apparently, he had fallen asleep. Throttle was sitting next to him.  
"Man, you are one tough mouse to wake. Come on, diner is ready."  
The tan furred mouse gave one more clap on Vinnie's shoulder and walked away, leaving his younger bro alone. Vinnie slowly lay down again. The second dream in twenty four hours. Why was this happening? His heart was sore at the memory he just had relived. His father, who didn't listen to him. Who rejected him. And this was just the start. He sure hoped he wasn't going to relive his whole childhood. He didn't thought he was gonna survive that. He didn't want to see the things he had done…  
He gave himself a mental shake. Come on. Forget about it. Let's eat. His stomach roared in answer.  
When he sat down next to Violet at the table, everybody was already eating.  
"Hey cutie. Sleep well?", she asked, taking a bite from her porridge. Vinnie stared at his plate. Ugh. But he needed to eat.  
"Yeah well. Guess I need my sleep", he mumbled, quickly eating his porridge. The sooner it was in, the better. In just a minute, his plate was empty. He burped and shove his plate away. Violet glanced at him from the corners of her eyes. Something was up. But she decided to let it slip for now. Everybody could have a day off. No need to be worried immediately. But she decided to keep a close eye on him.  
"Yo, Vin. Throttle and me are going for a ride after diner. You coming?", Modo asked at his younger bro. Vinnie's face lit up.  
"Hell yeah!"  
That was exactly what he needed. A trip with his bro's. Challenging them for a race, win the race, bragging about winning the race… Yeah… Sounds like a plan.

"Okay, bro's. The first who jumps off the cliff, wins!", Vinnie yelled exited into his helmet radio. He could hear Throttle chuckle.  
"It's on! Let's rock…"  
"...AND RIDE!"  
Vinnie hit the accelerator and his bike sped away, eager to gain speed, leaving his bro's behind him in a cloud of dust.  
"AAAOOOWWW, Vinnie is in the lead, his bro's are desperately trying to keep up with him, but nobody can beat the baddest mammajammer from Mars, the velocity atrocity, Motocross Champion of the galaxy!", he was cheering into his radio.  
"We better hurry bro, or we never hear the end of this", Throttle said to Modo.  
But no matter how hard they tried, they didn't get past that loudmouth.  
Modo almost succeeded one time, but Vinnie used a hill to jump in the air and he landed meters before the grey furred giant.  
"Almost over bro's and surprise, surprise… guess who is in the lead? Muaawhahaha!" and Vinnie gained even more speed.  
"Well, time for a lesson in humility, bro…", Modo sighed when he saw Vinnie jumping of the cliff.  
Vinnie landed and stopped his bike with shrieking breaks. He pulled off his helmet.  
"YES! I won! Raise a statue, declare a holiday, give me a girl to kiss…", Vinnie babbled excited, his arms spread.  
Modo and Throttle landed too and stopped their bikes. Modo opened his visor.  
"He won…", he growled.  
Throttle leaned on his handlebars.  
"Yeah… Well, at least we know what the main topic of our conversations is gonna be for the next six months…"  
"I'm the best! The baddest mammajammer from this side of the asteroid belt! Unbeatable!", Vinnie cheered. He laughed when he saw the look on their bro's faces.  
"Ah come on, bro's! Why the long faces? You didn't actually think you even stand a chance, right?"  
Modo's eye glowed red when he saw the self-satisfied look on Vinnie's face. Throttle patted him on the arm.  
"Easy, big fella. You know how he is…"  
Modo sighed. "Yeah... But still…"  
Throttle was silent for a second, but then smiled evilly.  
"Let's grab him."

They both jumped of their bikes and ran over to Vinnie. The white furred mouse was too busy with gloating, and he suddenly flew off his bike. He landed hard on the ground, with Throttle and Modo on top of him. He moaned, but then smiled mischievously.  
"You guys are such bad losers, you know that?"  
"You need to learn to tame your ego, bro…", Modo said, punching him. They rolled over the ground, laughing loud.  
After, they were lying on the ground, breathing heavily and still laughing. They all looked up to the sky which was filled with stars.  
Suddenly, Throttle's radio came to life.  
"Throttle? You guys need to come back… Something's wrong with Violet…" Carbine's voice.  
Throttle and Modo didn't even had time to react. Vinnie jumped at his feet and in a white and red blur, he drove away with dangerous speed.  
Throttle sighed.  
"We are on our way, Carbine. Be prepared for Tornado Vinnie, since he is already gone."  
"Copy that."

Vinnie pushed his bike to the limits, deciding to take a short cut. His bro's didn't know this road, he was keeping it a secret in case he needed it to win one of their races. He zigzagged around the trees, trying to lose minimum speed. His bike beeped, a warning he was going too fast. But Vinnie ignored it. He kept hearing Carbine's voice.  
"Something's wrong with Violet… Something's wrong with Violet…"  
He threw the gas completely open, going faster and faster. His bike kept beeping, over and over again. It drove him crazy.  
"Shut up! We can do this. Violet needs us!"  
He didn't saw the small hole in the ground. His bike noticed too late. His front tire bumped into the hole and the back of his bike flew up. Vinnie felt he lost control and flew off his bike, landed hard on the ground. He rolled till he slammed his head against a tree, knocking him out immediately. His bike flew through the air and landed just inches away from him with a loud bang. The engine sputtered, the bike tried to send a stress signal to Throttle and Modo, but it was no use. The engine slowly died and after that, a deadly silence…

Meanwhile, Throttle and Modo arrived at their camp and jumped off their bikes. They ran to Vinnie's and Violet's cabin and Throttle threw open the door. He saw Violet, lying in bed with her eyes closed. He saw Swee sitting next to her.. He saw Carbine, sitting on the other side of Violet. The latter looked up startled when the door flew open.  
"How is she?", Throttle asked worried. Modo joined him next to the bed.  
"She will be fine. The baby was lying in a uncomfortable position and apparently, didn't liked it and started kicking. That caused real bad abdominal pains. But everything is okay now", Swee answered. He stood up.  
"She's asleep. It cost her a lot of energy. But no worries, okay? She will be fine. The baby too.. By the looks of things, their baby is gonna be just as explosive as him or her parents..", he smiled. With a clap on Throttle's back, he left the cabin.  
"You sure got us scared, Carbine", Throttle sighed, rubbing in his eyes.  
"Sorry, she just suddenly fell on the ground, screaming in pain. She scared the shit out of me. But… Hey… Where is Vinnie?"  
Throttle tensed. "You are saying he is not back yet?"  
"That is exactly what I'm saying."  
Throttle looked at Modo, who looked back. Because of their worries about Violet, they totally forgot their white furred bro for a moment. How could they forget about that? Unbelievable.  
"He left before us, he is twice as fast… This is not good…", Modo said slowly.  
Throttle pushed him aside and ran to his bike. He checked the tracker, but he didn't saw Vinnie's signal. A bad feeling crept over him. Where was Vinnie?

 _Past_

"Come on, buddy. Time to go to school", Finn said, walking into Vinnie's room.  
Vinnie was still in bed, the blankets over his head. He was just recovered from his "fall" off the stairs and today, he would go back to school. But he didn't want to go. He was scared. Suddenly, the blanket was yanked away from his head and he immediately curled himself up. He squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the first clap, but nothing happened.  
"Hey buddy, easy now."  
Ah. His father. Vinnie relaxed and looked at his dad.  
"I don't wanna go to school, dad… He is gonna laugh at me…"  
"Who is gonna laugh at you? Where are you talking about?"  
"Neal..."  
"Neal Hammington? No way, don't be silly. I know his father. Neal is a good kid."  
Vinnie shook his head.  
"No, he is not, he…" but his father stopped him.  
"Come on, Vincent. Get dressed. I will give you a ride."

Vinnie stepped off his father's bike and waved at him. He turned around and took a deep breath. He tried to walk as normal as possible, but he still limped a little. And there it was.  
"Hey nerd!"  
Vinnie stopped death in his tracks. Neal's voice. Neal was two years older than him, and always took any opportunity to bully Vinnie.  
Vinnie looked up and stared into the face of the mean mouse. Neal pushed him and Vinnie stumbled back, almost tripping over his own tail. Neal laughed.  
"Damn, you really are clumsy. No wonder you fell off the stairs."  
"Leave him alone."  
Vinnie sighed in relief when he heard Throttle's voice. Throttle was also two years older, but since their parents were good friends, they practically grew up together. And Throttle always had his back.  
Neal quickly walked away, knowing not to provoke the tan furred mouse. Throttle kneeled down next to Vinnie and looked him the eye with a worried glance in his dark brown eyes. Even he was only twelve, he was really wise and mature for his age.  
"You okay, Vincent?"  
Vinnie nodded. "Yes… Thanks Throttle."  
"No problem. Hey, how is your leg?"  
"Eh, fine…", Vinnie mumbled. He felt Throttle looking at him. He suddenly felt the urge to tell him what really happened. But then he remembered what his mom told him.  
It was right after he woke up. She was standing at his bed, bend over to look at him. Her nose had almost touched his nose. He had smelled she had drank her evil potion again.  
"If you ever, ever, tell anyone about this, I will kill you. You just fell of the stairs, because you are dumb, clumsy and a nobody. You understand?"  
Vinnie had nodded, his heart pounding in his chest.  
"Vinnie? Hey, you okay, little bro?" Throttle's voice brought him back out of his thoughts. He nodded. He gave Throttle a little smile, straightened his back and walked into school. He felt that Throttle was watching him till he was out of sight.

 _Present_

Everybody was searching the surrounding for Vinnie. Modo and Throttle were searching in the forest close by the camp. Suddenly, Throttle saw something. He jumped off his bike and ran over to it, followed by Modo. It was Vinnie's bike, heavily damaged. He looked around it and saw his bro. He felt a huge relief, but it was quickly followed with concern. He kneeled down next to Vinnie, checking his vitals.  
"He is still breathing, but by the looks of things, he hit his head pretty hard…"  
Modo joined him, looking at his bro. Thankfully, he had wore his helmet. There was a huge dent in it and the visor was broken because of the hard hit. The glass had caused small wounds in Vinnie's face, but nothing major.  
"Modo. Call Swee and tell him to come over here. NOW!" Modo did what him was told. Throttle stared at Vinnie. He didn't dare to touch him. What if his neck was broken or something like that? Jezus…  
Luckily, Swee suddenly popped up next to him. He gently pushed Throttle out of the way, so he could examine Vinnie. Throttle quickly stepped back, giving Swee space. Modo stood next to him. They waited in silence till Swee could them what was wrong.  
"His right arm is broken. His back and neck seems okay." Swee carefully removed Vinnie's helmet. His mask had cut in the flesh because of the hard hit, so there was a lot of blood. One of his antenna was broken.  
"We need to bring him to the camp. I need to clean these wounds, to see what the damage is. It's hard to see with all the blood. I also need to do an neurologic examination, to see if there is any damage to his brains…"  
That hit Throttle hard. "What are you saying? That he may never wake up again?!", he asked with a loud voice, feeling panic. Modo grabbed his arm to stop him from walking over to Swee. Swee raised his hands.  
"Right now, I'm not saying anything. I need to do a closer examination and I can't do that right here. So, grab yourself together and help me to get him back to the camp."  
Throttle took a deep breath. Swee was right.

They eventually got Vinnie back at the camp in Throttle's sidecar. Swee had transformed a cabin into a small hospital right after the war with Rex. All the supplies he needed were there. Also a hospital bed. But first, he lay Vinnie on the examination table. He cleaned the wounds on Vinnie's head. Thankfully, it wasn't that bad. He stitched the antenna back together. He put a cast on the right arm. He did a extended research to find out what the brain damage was.  
When he was done, he wrapped Vinnie's head into a thick bandage and with help from Throttle, he lay him in the hospital bed.  
Suddenly, the door flew open and Violet ran inside.  
"No… No! What happened!? Oh my god, Vinnie…", she cried, running to the bed. Throttle quickly stood next to her, grabbing her hand.  
"He had an accident, Violet. We don't know what exactly happened, but it seems like an accident…"  
"Is he gonna be okay? Please, tell me he is gonna be okay! I can't do this alone, Throttle, I can't…", she cried, panic in her voice.  
Throttle grabbed her by the shoulders.  
"Violet, try to calm down. His right arm is broken, one of his antenna too. He has some wounds on his head, but nothing major. Swee examined him. He is lying in some sort of coma. But he is still reacting on some impulsives. So he is not completely lost. Swee is almost certain he will wake up again. We just don't know when…"  
Violet couldn't stop crying. How did this happen? She grabbed Vinnie's hand and kissed it. Throttle pulled her in his arms, stroking her back.  
"He's a fighter, Violet. He will wake up."  
"But what if he isn't here when our baby is born? What if he…", Violet couldn't speak further. She buried her face in Throttle's neck, crying the eyes out of her head. Throttle just held her.  
"Everything will be okay, sweet Violet. I know it will."

* * *

Please review! :)


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for the reviews guys. Really, they mean a lot to me! :)

* * *

 **Chapter three**

 _Past_

Vinnie stretched his sore muscles. He sighed and stared at the ceiling. Schoolday. He hardly could walk after what his mom did to him last night. How long was he gonna take this? This was going on for years now. Why didn't he have the balls to stand up against her? Ugh. He was asking himself this question for years now. He was weak. Just like his mom told him. He was nothing.  
With one more sigh, he slid out of bed. He quickly got dressed and looked in the mirror. His face wasn't that swollen. But a big bruise was visible under his white fur, right under his left eye. What excuse would he use now? Ball game with his dad. Yeah. Things got kinda rough and his father accidently threw the ball right in his face. He stared at the bruise, then to the rest of his body. He was fifteen now and his body became more… manly. More muscular. He had noticed girls stopped with what they were doing when he walked by. He heard them whispering how handsome he was. He sighed. Handsome or not, still weak.

When he walked into the school, the bell rang. He was just in time. He made sure to keep his head down, eyes focussed on the floor. Hopefully nobody was gonna notice him. But of course, Throttle did.  
"Hey Vin!"  
Vinnie quickly waved at him without looking and walked further. But Throttle caught up with him. Vinnie still stared at the floor. Throttle grabbed his arm and forced him to stop. He dragged the white furred mouse with him to a quiet place and pushed him against the wall. Vinnie let it all happen, his eyes still down.  
"Look at me, little bro."  
Vinnie slowly lifted his head. Throttle stared at the bruise.  
"What happened this time?"  
"Eh… rough ball game with my dad…", Vinnie said softly, lowering his eyes. His breathing became heavier, his heart was pounding in his chest.  
Throttle sighed and crossed his arms before his chest.  
"Listen, Vin. I know people can be clumsy. But nobody can be THAT clumsy... You sure there isn't something you want to tell me? You do know we are on the same side."  
Vinnie let the words dawn on him. He suddenly felt all his misery, all his pain come up. His eyes filled with tears. He roughly wiped them away. He didn't want to cry. Crying was for the weak. But he was weak. No. No crying. But he just couldn't stop the tears. He turned his head away from Throttle, who was waiting patiently with a worried look on his face.  
Vinnie made a decision. His mom said she was gonna kill him if he ever would tell anyone. Good. Death sounded way better than living like this. Living in hate. Living in fear. He took a deep breath.  
"I eh… It's my mom, Throttle… She… Gosh, she said she will kill me if I was gonna tell someone… She…", Vinnie stuttered. He closed his mouth. How in the world was he gonna tell this?  
"What is it with your mom, Vincent? Is she the one who is doing this to you?", Throttle asked urgently. Vinnie slowly nodded.  
"She.. she is not feeling well. She is drunk everyday. And I… I always make her mad somehow. I…"  
"She is hitting you?"  
Again, Vinnie slowly nodded, but immediately felt regret. Regret that he was telling this. It wasn't his mom fault. It was his fault. His existence. He was weak. He was nothing. Because of him, his mom was like this.  
"Please, Throttle, don't tell anyone. It isn't her fault… It's my fault… I'm weak…", Vinnie whispered and grabbed Throttle by the shoulders. Throttle stared at him, disbelief in his brown eyes.  
"Your fault? Vinnie, what are you talking about? Look what she is doing to you. It is wrong. No way that's your fault!"  
Vinnie took a deep breath and looked at Throttle with wide eyes. He was breathing heavily, his hands were shaking.  
"Please Throttle. I'm begging you. Don't tell anyone. You have to promise me you won't tell!", he said, feeling panic. Throttle raised his hands.  
"Easy, Vin. Okay. I promise I won't tell. Your secret is safe with me."  
Vinnie relaxed a little.  
"Thanks. Forget about this. It was wrong to tell you. I'm sorry… I…", he suddenly didn't knew what to say anymore.  
He grabbed his bag and quickly walked to his class. Throttle stayed speechless behind, a frown on his face.

When Vinnie came home from school, he immediately ran to his room and closed the door. His father was at work, so he just hoped his mom had a good day today and would leave him alone. He snorted. Right. Who was he kidding? When he threw his bag in the corner, he suddenly heard the doorbell. He froze and perked his ears. He heard his mom cursing and waddle to the door. He quickly opened the door from his room and sneaked to the stairs. He slowly sat down on top of the stairs, just when his mom opened the door.  
"Tread! What a surprise!", she cheered. Vinnie rolled his eyes. When she was with friends or other family, she always played the happy, loving housewife. It was behind closed doors, the real Silver showed herself.  
"Silver! How are you?", Tread asked with his calm husky voice. Throttle was a younger version of Tread. He had the same brown fur, the same voice and the same personality. But Throttle had the eyes of his mom, Star. The same dark brown colour.  
"I'm fine, I'm fine! What do I owe this pleasure to? Finn is at work, I can't remember we had something planned?", Silver purred.  
"Well… Can I come in? I need to talk to you. Something very disturbing came to my ears today…", Tread said, still calm. Vinnie had never seen Tread upset or angry. He was always calm. He could be very clear when the boys had done something that was not okay, but he never yelled. Vinnie was crazy about him. He was his second father, actually. He sometimes wished he was born in the Stormborn family. But he always felt guilty after thinking that.  
"Sure, sure. Come in! Want something to drink?", his mom babbled. Vinnie could hear she was already drunk again. Tread would notice, right?  
"No, thank you. Sit down, Silver. Let's talk. Throttle came to me with a story that really concerns me. He told me you are having problems. Problems with alcohol?" There was no judgement, no anger in his voice.  
There was a long silence. Vinnie almost didn't dare to move, scared he would miss something. Shit. Throttle had told his father, even though he had promised not to tell... Shit, shit, shit. What was his mom going to do?  
"I eh… Yeah… He is right. I do have some troubles lately…", Silver said softly.  
"We are friends, Silver. You know you can talk to us? We want to help you. Is there something we can do?"  
"No… It's nothing major, really. Vinnie told Throttle, I suppose?"  
"Yeah he did. He is worried about you. He wants to help you."  
"I… I just feel so lonely. Finn is ignoring me, he leaves me at home all the time, to take care of Vinnie… It's hard sometimes…"  
Vinnie perked his ears. Was she really crying? His heart made a jump in his chest. Maybe Tread could help her. Maybe things were finally going to chance…  
"Listen. Why don't you all come over this weekend? We can have a bbq in the yard, talk with each other… Maybe we can help… Because it's not fair to take out your frustration on Vinnie..."  
"He told you that? That's… Okay. We will be there this weekend. Thank you. Thank you for not judging me."  
"I see you saturday, okay?", Tread asked when they were standing at the front door. Silver nodded and gave him a hug.  
"Yes. Thank you…" and she closed the door behind him. Vinnie didn't move.  
"Mom..?", he asked hesitantly. Silver slowly turned around. Vinnie froze when he saw the ice cold look in her eyes. He felt confused. He really had thought she wanted help. That things were finally going to chance. But now…  
He jumped at his feet and ran into his room. He shut the door with a loud bang. He heard his mom's footsteps on the stairs. Panic took over. He crawled under his blanket. For a moment, he only heard his own rapid breathing...  
But then, his door flew open. The blanket got yanked away and Vinnie didn't move, waiting for the first clap. But it didn't came. He slowly opened his eyes and looked up at his mom. She was standing at his bed and where she normally was shaking in anger, she now stood perfectly still. Vinnie blinked a few times and looked into her eyes. His heart stopped. He never had seen her look at him like this. This was no anger. No, this was pure hatred.  
"You are not my son anymore. From now on, you are dead to me", she said with a ice cold voice. She turned around and walked out of his room.  
Vinnie just lay there, feeling numb while the tears streamed over his face.

 _Present_

"Our baby is doing great, cutie. Swee did a check today and our little sprout is growing good. Two months to go and then… I just wish you wake up… I miss you…"  
Violet was sitting at Vinnie's bed, his hand in her hands. His accident was now four weeks ago, and he still hadn't woke up. Swee had told her he was recovering, but he needed time. He had good hope everything was going to be okay. Violet sighed. She forced herself to stay positive, but it was hard. She was so scared he wasn't going to be there when their baby was gonna be born. His wounds were all healed, his broken arm too. Throttle and Modo had worked overtime to get his bike back into shape. So he didn't have to see his bike so heavily damaged. Even his helmet was as good as new. The only thing they needed now, was a awake Vinnie. But minutes became hours, hours became days, days became weeks...  
Vinnie's eyes were flying in every direction under his closed eyelids. Swee had told her he was dreaming. That was a good thing. She could only hope he was dreaming about nice stuff… But today was different. Tears were streaming over his face. Violet wiped them away, feeling very worried. God, what if she was gonna lose him? Tears filled her eyes. She couldn't lose him, right? She couldn't even imagine how that would feel. She was nothing without him. And their baby… Their baby needed a father. But she knew Vinnie was a fighter. So, she clung to that thought. He was a fighter. He was gonna wake up. Soon.

 _Past_

Weeks had passed since Tread had talked to Silver. They never went to Tread's house that weekend. No. Silver had broke all the bonds with the Stormborn family.  
But she did kept her word to Vinnie. She didn't look at him, she didn't talk to him… She acted like he wasn't there. Vinnie was, at the beginning, kinda glad she didn't hit him anymore. But slowly, he just wished she did. He wanted her attention. Even if it was negative attention. Because this was actually worse.  
Vinnie's dad was still trying to make his son happy. They never spoke about Silver. They never spoke about all the shit his mom had done to him. Vinnie stopped trying to talk about it. His dad never listened. He always changed the subject when he tried to talk about it. So, Vinnie gave up. And he felt something chance inside of him. Instead of fear, there slowly grew anger. Frustration. Why wasn't his mom talking to him? Why wasn't she even looking at him? He was her son, for fuck sake. He tried everything to get her attention, but she didn't gave in. He had never, ever felt so lonely. And it made him even more angry. What did he have to do to get her attention?  
He just had turned sixteen, when the troubles began. The anger and frustration had simmered for a while. They grew bigger and bigger and nobody told him what to do with it. He was alone and helpless, drowning in his own emotions.

Vinnie walked into school, feeling very cranky. What was he doing here anyway? He walked to his locker and slammed it open.  
"If it isn't our clumsy nerd. Having a bad day?"  
Neal's voice. Vinnie clenched his jaws and grabbed his books. He closed the locker with so much force, it almost broke. Since he started training his body, he became a lot stronger. And sometimes he was surprised by how strong.  
"Leave me alone", he growled at Neal, trying to walk past the bully. But Neal had other plans.  
"Wow wow, I asked you a question. It's polite to answer it, you know..", the mean mouse smiled, grabbing Vinnie's arm.  
Vinnie froze. He suddenly felt his blood boiling. Why was this piece of shit so mean to him anyway? Why couldn't he just leave him alone? The nerve of that guy. What had he done to deserve this? Vinnie slowly turned around and looked at Neal.  
"I said; leave me alone…", he said, his voice dangerously low. He saw Neal flinch, but recover quickly. Vinnie yanked himself free and wanted to walk away, when again, Neal grabbed him. And that was enough to make him explode. He whirled around and punched Neal right in the face. Hard.  
Neal flew against the lockers with a bang, his nose bleeding. He jumped at his feet and attacked Vinnie. He jumped on the white furred mouse, causing him to fall on the ground. They rolled over the floor, punching each other.  
"HEY! KNOCK IT OUT, NOW!" and the headmaster grabbed Neal and dragged him off Vinnie.  
Vinnie was lying on the ground, breathing heavily. His nose was bleeding too, but he didn't care.  
"Both of you, my office. NOW!"  
Vinnie slowly stood up and followed the headmaster and Neal. When they all sat down, the headmaster shook his head.  
"Neal, I'm not surprised to see you here, but Vincent… I had expected better from you…"  
Vinnie said nothing, staring at his feet.  
"He started this, sir. I…", Neal started but the headmaster shut him up.  
"Stop it. I don't want to hear any excuses. You both have detention this whole week and I will call your parents to inform them."  
That took Vinnie's attention. Maybe his mom would be mad at him again. Maybe she would talk to him again.  
"Now, get out of my face, both of you. And don't even think about fighting again."  
Vinnie jumped at his feet and quickly left the office. He walked back to the lockers to grab his bag, but it wasn't where he left it.  
"Looking for this?"  
Vinnie looked up and saw Throttle. With his bag. He walked over to the tan furred mouse and tried to grab it, but Throttle stopped him.  
"I heard you got into a fight. I never had thought I would hear your name and the word fight in one sentence. You okay?"  
Vinnie nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. He got what he deserved."  
Throttle studied his face. "Violence isn't gonna solve anything, you know that right?"  
Vinnie shrugged. "The guy is making my life miserable since day one. He deserved this."  
"Maybe you're right." Throttle gave him his bag. Vinnie grabbed it and turned around.  
"Vinnie? You know you can talk to me, right?"  
Vinnie whirled around and snorted.  
"Yeah, I know. But since you aren't that good in keeping secrets, I think I'll pass", he snarled.  
Throttle stared at him. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I did it to protect you. To help you…"  
"I don't need your protection or your help anymore. Since the last time you 'helped', things are fucked up. So, just leave me alone, okay?"  
Vinnie turned around and marched to his class. The nerve of that guy. Helping him. Right. He only had made things worse. He had promised to keep it a secret and he broke that promise. Vinnie lashed his tail through the air. He didn't need anyone. From now on, he was on his own. Less disappointments. Less pain. And he was gonna fight. He was done with the fear. No... no more fear. No more crying. No more weakness. He was gonna show his mother, his father, the whole world that he was everything... but weak.

When he came home, only his mom was there. His father was at work. Vinnie hoped she was gonna say something about the fight, but she didn't. He slowly sat down at the table and looked at her.  
"I got into a fight today. Did the school call you?", he asked.  
His mom didn't respond. She just continued reading in her magazine, drinking Martian Liquor. Evil potion. Vinnie snorted. He had been so naive. But then again, who could blame him? He was ten years old back then, for fuck sake.  
"Mom… Do you hear me? I got into a fight today. Now it's your job to be mad about it, screaming at me that violence isn't gonna solve anything… You know, be a mom…"  
Silver lifted up her hand and Vinnie's heart made a jump. But she only turned a page. Vinnie just sat there, staring at her. And he suddenly couldn't take it anymore. He jumped at his feet, grabbed the bottle and smashed it against the wall. It exploded into a thousand pieces, the strong scent of alcohol filled the air. That took her attention. She also jumped at her feet, her eyes fuming. Vinnie thought she was finally gonna say something, but she just turned around and left the house. He heard her bike leaving. Vinnie just stood there, staring at the mess.  
He felt his anger, his frustration swirl inside of him. He didn't know how long he was gonna take this. How long he was gonna be able to control this darkness that was growing inside of him. That was consuming him. That was slowly turning him into another person.

* * *

Please review! :)


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for the reviews! :)

Okay, you guys. This chapter is gonna be heavy. Really heavy.  
There are _**hints** _of sexual abuse in it, so please, if that is something you can't handle, don't read this chapter.  
It's not really described in detail, but still...

* * *

 **Chapter four**

The next few weeks, a pattern formed. Fighting, detention, fighting, detention. And not only with Neal. No, everybody who was in his way. So, after a big fight with a guy who bumped into him in the hallway, Vinnie was sitting in the headmaster office again. The black furred mouse looked at Vinnie, disappointment written on his face.  
"Your father is on his way. I had no other chance to let him come over. AGAIN. You are out of control, Vincent. What is wrong with you?"  
Vinnie said nothing, looking at the headmaster with a challenging look in his eyes. The door opened and Vinnie quickly looked who came inside. His heart made a little jump. Was his mom gonna be here? Was she finally, after all these troubles he got himself into, gonna be here? But again, only his father walked in. Vinnie sank back into his seat again, making sure he looked nonchalant. Like he didn't care. Finn took place next to him.  
"Glad you could come, mister van Wham. Your son is getting himself in a lot of trouble lately."  
Finn sighed and nodded. "I apologize for my son's behaviour, sir."  
Vinnie rolled his eyes. They always talked about him like he wasn't there. Nobody cared about him.  
"I know your son is a good boy. I know he has a good heart. That's why I've decided to give him one last chance. Make sure he is not gonna throw that away. Otherwise, I will be forced to expel him. But something is clearly bothering him. Talk to him."  
"I will. And I will make sure he is gonna take this chance. Come on, buddy. Let's go."  
Finn shook the headmaster's hand and Vinnie followed him outside. When they were standing by Finn's bike, he turned around to face his son.  
"Vinnie, please. Stop doing this to yourself. You are throwing away your future, you know that, right?"  
Vinnie couldn't believe his oversized ears. Like this was his fault. It was his mom's fault. And his father's. Why did the guy never stood up for him? Why… but Vinnie stopped himself. He had tortured himself with this questions a long time. So many questions and no answers at all. He looked at his father, at the tormented look in his eyes, at his hanging shoulders. The guy was weak, Vinnie realized. He destroyed his own life, his son's life, to be with someone who was dead from the inside. Vinnie clenched his fists.  
"Why didn't you leave her?", he asked with a low voice. Finn looked startled at this question.  
"Vinnie, you are missing the point here. We are talking about you and…"  
"Missing the point?", Vinnie interrupted him. "Right. If someone is missing the point here, it will be you. But never mind. I don't know why I should even TRY to talk to you about it. If we just ignore the problem long enough, it isn't there, right?"  
He turned around and walked away. He could hear his dad yelling his name, but he ignored him. His blood was boiling and he felt so frustrated. Dammit. What to do? What to do to make this stop? He walked into town and stopped for a bar. He stared at it. He needed to calm down. But he didn't knew how.  
Suddenly, he saw the image of his mother, drunk. He always had hated alcohol, but maybe it did take away the pain. The anger. The sorrow. He made a decision and marched inside, straight to the bar.  
"Give me the strongest drink you have", he said with a shaky voice, looking at the bartender. The guy smiled and grabbed a bottle of Martian Liquor.  
"This will help you forget, buddy", he said and poured the drink into a big glass.  
Vinnie took a big sip and felt the drink slowly burning his way down to his stomach. Hmmm… It tasted kinda good, actually. He sat down and looked around him. There was a group of mice of his age sitting in the corner. He never had seen them before, they probably went to another school. They all were drunk, he could tell by the noise they were making. One of the girls spotted him and looked at him appreciatively. Vinnie blushed and focussed on his drink again. He gave himself a mental scolding. Come on, macho mouse. Don't be shy. That kind of emotion wasn't allowed anymore, remember? You care about nothing. He looked at himself in the mirror that was hanging on the wall behind the bar. He did look good. His body was well formed, musculair from the training. His snow white fur was soft and shiny, his clothes made him look way more badass then he sometimes felt... He smiled at himself, a pretty face with a cocky grin looked back. Yeah… He looked good.

He stayed at the bar the whole day and night. He was right. The alcohol did take away the sharp edges of the pain. Suddenly the girl, who checked him out earlier, popped up next to him. She swung an arm around his neck, giggling.  
"Hey there, handsome. Having fun?"  
Vinnie swallowed and forced himself to stay cool. No fear. No insecurity.  
"Well, it was kinda boring till you came to talk to me", he said arrogant, looking at her.  
The girl laughed and pinched his cheek.  
"Why don't we go find a little more private place?", she whispered in his ear. Vinnie shrugged.  
"That is the best idea I've heard in a long time", he said, winking at her. He was surprised how easy this was, how good he actually was at this. He noticed how the girl reacted on his charms. The girl giggled and grabbed his hand. She dragged him upstairs and into a empty bedroom. She closed the door and threw him on the bed. Vinnie had actually no idea what to do, since this was his first time with a girl. But his hormones took over. He grabbed the girl and turned around. Now he was lying on top of her and he pressed his lips on hers. She kissed him back eagerly. Vinnie did what he felt like he needed to do. He just hoped he was doing it right.

After, they were lying in bed, breathing heavily. Vinnie was euphoric. If he had known before how good sex was, he really had tried it earlier. It was such a rush, the feeling it gave him… wauw… It was the same feeling he got when he was fighting with someone. Adrenaline… He loved it. The girl was satisfied too, thank god. He had the idea she didn't knew it was his first time. No way he was gonna tell her that, though. No, that would be his little secret.  
Suddenly, the door flew open. Vinnie jumped up and saw a big, angry, blond furred mouse standing. The guy narrowed his eyes and the girl quickly jumped out of bed.  
"Matt! I eh... I…", she stuttered.  
Matt stared at her. "You little whore…", he growled.  
Vinnie quickly pulled on his pants and looked at the guy. What the fuck was he doing here? He felt his anger coming up again, closer to the surface.  
"What are you doing in bed with my girlfriend?", the guy roared, his attention now at the white furred mouse.. Vinnie laughed, he just couldn't help himself. But it wasn't a nice laugh.  
"Wauw… some girlfriend…", he snickered, shaking his head. The girl narrowed her eyes.  
"What is that suppose to mean?"  
"Well, it was you after all who practically begged me to fuck you… That doesn't make you good girlfriend material, right? Or maybe your boyfriend here just can't satisfy you like I did…", he said, provoking the blonde mouse. He just couldn't stop himself. His emotions took over.  
"You're dead!", Matt yelled and jumped at Vinnie.  
Vinnie quickly stepped aside, grabbed the blonde mouse and pushed him in the direction of the window. The glass shattered and poor Matt flew outside. He landed hard on the ground. Vinnie popped his head out and smiled.  
"You know, Matt… I think I take your word on this one. Your girlfriend is indeed a little whore. You can have her!" He turned around, pushed the shocked girl out of the way and walked down the stairs. He took his place at the bar again and ordered another drink. Yeah… This was the life. He never had felt this powerful. Nobody could hurt him. Nobody could come near him. He was invincible.

 _Present_

Vinnie was floating. His head was killing him. He tried to open his eyes, but he couldn't. It was like they were glued together. He also couldn't move a muscle, no matter how hard he tried. He started to feel a little bit panicked. He was trapped in his own body, floating between past en present. He could hear Violet's voice, but couldn't really understand what she was saying. He could feel her holding his hand, but he couldn't respond. He felt the darkness pulling on him, dragging him back to a place he so didn't want to be right now. He tried to fight it, but it was no use. Everything became very dark and suddenly, he saw himself, lying in bed. But not in the hospital bed, no… He was looking at himself again, when he was sixteen years old. He was fighting to get the hell out of here, but it was no use. He was forced to look at himself, to see all the shit he had done when he was young… DAMMIT. He knew it was only getting worse...

 _Past_

The next day, Vinnie woke up with a huge pounding headache. He moaned and turned around again, but someone walked into his room.  
"Vincent, get up. You need to go to school. Don't mess up your chance, buddy. Come on.." and his father pulled the blanket away.  
"Leave me alone", Vinnie growled. Finn sighed.  
"Please, buddy, come on… If you don't want to do it for yourself, then do it for me…", he pleaded.  
Vinnie rolled his eyes. Why didn't he never noticed before how weak his dad actually was? Here he was, practically begging his son to go to school. Living in a house without love with a woman who was not only destroying herself, but dragging her whole family with her in the process. And he did nothing. Nothing.  
Vinnie dragged himself out of bed.  
"Fine, I'll go. Jezus."  
Finn looked at him and narrowed his eyes.  
"What did you do last night? You came home late… And do I smell alcohol? Vincent, really, how…" but Vinnie whirled around and looked at his father with fuming eyes.  
"Don't you DARE to accuse me… Don't you dare to say it! You have NO right!", he snapped, his tail lashing through the air. Finn stared at him, sadness in his eyes.  
"What happened to you, son? Where is the Vincent I know? How…"  
Vinnie shook his head. "You are unbelievable. Get out. Now."  
"Vinnie…", but Vinnie had enough.  
"Get. Out. NOW!"  
"Buddy, come on…"  
"OOOUUT!", Vinnie screamed with a raw voice.  
He looked at his father with fuming eyes, his fists clenched. He was shaking, his muscles tensed to stop himself from hitting the light out of his fathers eyes.  
Finn left the room, his shoulders hanging, which irritated Vinnie even more. God, he hated him. His weakness. And really, was he blind?  
'What happened to you?'  
Geeezzz, maybe a mother who beat the crap out of me, who completely ignores my existence now and a father who never stood up for me… Yeah, I wondered what happened too. Ugh. Vinnie shook his head in anger, pulling on some clothes. He grabbed his bag. He would go to school.  
To get out of this house, where madness clearly was contagious.

When Vinnie walked into the school, he saw he was too late. Again. Ah well. He didn't care. He walked to his locker, his head still pounding. He was nauseous and the smell of food that came out of the cafetaria didn't really help. Vinnie sighed agitated and slammed his locker closed. But the door bounced back. He slammed the door again, but it bounced back. Again. Vinnie gritted his teeth and punched against the locker door. But it still didn't close.  
"God dammit, why don't you just close!?", Vinnie growled, pushing the door with all his strength. With a satisfying click, the locker closed.  
"There! Was that so hard? Jezus…"  
Feeling very grumpy, he walked to his class. He kicked the door open and closed it again with great force. The whole class stared at him, the teacher was speechless for a few moments. Vinnie walked to his place and sat down with a sigh.  
"Vincent! At first, you are late and second; didn't your mother never teach you how to walk into a room?", the teacher yelled at him. Vinnie laughed. The irony.  
"No, the only thing my mom teached me is how to get drunk."  
The whole class held in their breath. The teacher narrowed his eyes.  
"Get out, now. Straight to the headmaster."  
Vinnie sighed, clearly annoyed and stood up. His chair fell on the ground with a bang, but he didn't bother to pick it up. He walked to the door and he closed it with even greater force than when he walked in. The glass in the door shattered and Vinnie could see the shocked look on his teacher's face. He smiled and strolled outside. No way he was gonna see the headmaster.  
Suddenly, someone bumped up against him. He whirled around and saw Neal smiling smugly at him. That's it. Enough was just enough. Vinnie felt something snap in his head. He threw away his bag and jumped at Neal. The bully tried to dodge it, but Vinnie was too fast. The white furred mouse tackled him with his tail and grabbed him by the throat.  
"You just never learn, now don't you? How many times do I need to say it to you? LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!", Vinnie growled, squeezing Neal's throat.  
The poor mouse tried to breathe, but Vinnie was strong. And very, very angry.  
Suddenly, they were surrounded by teachers and somebody dragged Vinnie away from Neal. Vinnie was struggling to get loose, a red haze in front of his eyes blurred his vision.  
"Let me GO! He needs to learn, GOD DAMMIT! He needs to learn to LEAVE ME ALONE!", Vinnie screamed. Neal was lying on the ground, coughing loud.  
"Oh come on, don't be such a pussy!", Vinnie yelled at him, still struggling. Neal looked at him with fear in his eyes.  
"Vincent, calm down! NOW!" The headmaster ran outside with a very angry look on his face. Vinnie stopped struggling. Not because the headmaster wanted him to, but because he knew his chance to learn that son of a bitch a final lesson was gone. But he vowed to himself, he was gonna get him.  
If there's something in the way, you can always whip some tail another day.

"Vincent, you had your chances. I'm sorry to say this, but my hands are tied. I did everything I could to help you, but you are a lost cause. I hereby expel you from this school. I have no choice to call your parents..."  
"Save yourself the trouble. They don't care about me. They never did. Nobody cares. I'm on my own. And don't act like you did everything to help me. You did nothing but yelling at me. You never saw what really was going on. So, puhlease, spare me the guardian angel crap. I'm outta here…" and Vinnie walked out.  
Outside, Neal was still at the same spot. When he saw Vinnie, he jumped up and quickly stood close to his friends. Vinnie smiled. Finally, the tables were turned. Now Neal was the scared, little dear. Vinnie walked right past him and bumped his shoulder against Neal's, but Neal didn't respond. Good.

"Martian liquor, the biggest glass you have", Vinnie demanded. The bartender gave him what he asked and Vinnie sat down at the bar. He emptied half the glass at once and burped. Ahhh. He looked around him. He saw the same girl he hooked up with the other day. She was sitting next to her boyfriend, who had his arm in a cast. They both avoided to look at him. Vinnie shook his head and focussed on his glass again.  
He felt the alcohol did his work. The pain, the sorrow.. it all became less heavy. But it was still there. It was there every day, when he woke up, when he went to bed… The alcohol did make it less heavy. But the anger, the frustration… Nothing could take that away. Or even make it less heavy. No. It was like a monster inside of him, close to the surface, waiting to come out by every small trigger. And there was nothing that could leash the monster. No.  
Vinnie felt he was losing himself. And there was nothing he could do to stop it…

A few weeks later. It was a saturday night and Vinnie was drunk. But really drunk. He was hanging at the bar, barely capable to keep his head upright. His eyes were half closed and he stared at something behind the bar. Suddenly, he felt that someone took place next to him. He glanced from the corner of his eye. It was a female mouse, very pretty. And not drunk. He forced himself to sit up straight and turned his head to look at her. She looked back and he smiled. She blushed and smiled shy back. Vinnie leaned forward.  
"Say doll. Can I buy you a drink?", he asked, still smiling his most charming smile.  
It worked. It always worked. He had noticed the past weeks that he was really good to get into a girls head and he was obsessed with it. How to play them. How to make them do what he wanted. It made him feel powerful. He was a quick learner. And he had had enough time to practise. It was now 24 hours ago since he had sex. Time for his next conquest. Let's do this.  
The girl giggled.  
"Sure, why not?"  
Vinnie waved at the bartender. "The same for me and a cocktail for the pretty lady."  
The girl giggled again, still blushing. She must be young, inexperienced and naive. Probably her first time here. Good.  
"Cheers, sweetheart", he said, and he slammed his glass against hers. Sweetheart… What a wonderful word…  
"So, first time here?", he asked nonchalant. The girl nodded.  
"Eh, yeah, actually it is… I supposed to meet my friend here, but she still isn't here… My parents are gonna kill me if they find out. But they need to learn I'm old enough now, to go out."  
"They don't trust you?"  
"They do trust me. But my father keeps preaching about boys and their hormones, how many bad people there are in the world, that I'm naive blablabla. I told him he was overreacting, but he kept whining about it. So, my friend and I decided to go without telling them…"  
Vinnie smiled. "You got nothing to worry about, sweetheart. I will protect you against all the bad people…"  
She smiled back. "Thanks! That's very kind of you."  
Oh yeah… She really was naive.  
"So, how did you end up here?", she asked, looking at him curiously. Vinnie waved his hand.  
"Same as you. Going out, like you suppose to do when you are young and carefree…"  
"So true! To freedom!", she said, raising her glass.  
"Yeah, to freedom…", Vinnie smiled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. She didn't notice, though.

A few drinks later, she was drunk. By the looks of things, she never had alcohol before and her body reacted pretty heavy on it. She was hanging against Vinnie, he had a arm around her shoulders to support her. Her friend did show up, but damn, that girl was a pain in the ass. She kept telling Elena, apparently that was the girl's name, she needed to slow down with the alcohol. But Elena didn't want to hear it. The sweet, naive girl was determined to fully enjoy her first evening out. Her friend kept giving Vinnie dirty looks, but Vinnie ignored her. He had a mission. Namely, getting into Elena's pants. And nobody was gonna stop him.  
"Wooow, the whole world is spinning…", Elena smiled, her eyes half closed. Vinnie decided it was time to make his move.  
"Come on, sweetheart. Let's get you some fresh air", and he helped Elena to stand up. Her friend immediately jumped up.  
"I'll go with you", she said to Elena, but thankfully, Elena shook her head.  
"No, you stay here and have fun… Be right back."  
Vinnie winked at the other girl and dragged Elena with him outside. She giggled when she stumbled and Vinnie caught her.  
"Oops", she laughed.  
Vinnie rolled his eyes. This girl was getting on his nerves. But no need to stop his mission now. That would make this a waste of his time. And money. He was too far now.  
"Come on, pretty lady, let's get to a little bit more quiet place…"  
For the first time, the girl hesitated. But then, a determined look came on her face. She got nothing to worry about, right? This nice boy would keep her save.  
Oh, if only she knew...

 _Present_

Vinnie was screaming, fighting to get the hell away from this memory. He didn't want to see it. He didn't want to relive it. But his body was still paralyzed. From the inside, he was panicking, fighting, screaming, kicking… But his body didn't respond. No… No, no, no, NO! He hated himself for what he was about to do to that poor girl. He didn't want to see it. But he had no choice. He couldn't escape. He couldn't close his eyes to make it go away. He couldn't run away... He was completely helpless.  
Violet noticed his breathing became heavier, a tear escaped out of his eye. She grabbed his hand.  
"Vinnie, calm down. I'm here. Nothing's gonna harm you. Not while I'm around…" but it was useless. He didn't hear her.  
His eyes were flying into every direction under his closed eyelids. His fur was soaked with sweat. But his body was lying perfectly still.  
"God, Vinnie, what is it that is upsetting you so much? What are you dreaming about? I wish there was anything I could do… I just wish you wake up…"  
She stood up and with a little effort, she succeeded to lay down next to her beloved husband. She wrapped her arm around his waist and lay her head on his chest. She could hear his heart beating loud. But the only thing she could do was holding him and hoping he was somehow aware of it. That she was here. That she was by his side. That he wasn't alone...

 _Past_

Vinnie found a empty barn close by the bar. He opened the door and looked around. Completely deserted. Good.  
He closed the door behind them and turned around. He looked at Elena and she looked back at him, still with that stupid smile on her face. His hands slowly rubbed her body.  
"You okay, sweetheart?"  
"Yeah… You're nice… And really handsome… OH! Did I say that last part out loud? That…", but Vinnie lost his patience.  
He pressed his lips on hers and she kissed him back after a little hesitation. He pressed her against him. Elena moaned, but when he took off her shirt, she stopped him.  
"No… No, I'm ready for this yet… I'm sorry…", she stuttered, trying to push him away.  
But Vinnie didn't burge. At first, he was way stronger than her, and second… she was so drunk, she hardly used any strength. She giggled again.  
Vinnie had it. Again, something snapped in his head. This girl needed to shut up and do what he wanted. Like everybody else. The alcohol in his own system fed the darkness inside of him. It was like the monster took over. And again, there was nothing he could do about it.  
He pushed her on the ground and ripped off her pants. He quickly unbelted his own pants.  
"No… no.. please…", Elena weakly protested, but the alcohol paralyzed her.  
"Your father was right, you know… There are a lot of bad people in this world… And you really are naive... Trusting me was a big mistake...", he whispered in her ear, a little smile on his lips.  
Elena's eyes grew big, but it was too late…

* * *

Please review! :)


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for the review! :)

* * *

 **Chapter five**

 _Past_

Vinnie quickly zipped his pants and looked down at Elena. She was lying on the ground, her eyes still wide open. One tear escaped her left eye, but she didn't even blink. She was clearly in shock. Vinnie hesitated for a moment, but he wasn't thinking straight at the moment. He decided to leave her here. But then it hit him.  
Shit. What had he done? Fuck. Fuck, fuck…  
"FUCK!", he screamed. He slammed his fist against the wall. The wood shattered and he saw the blood on his hand. But he didn't feel any pain. Dammit. Goddammit. What a mess. What a way of life… He wanted to feel guilt. He knew he needed to feel guilty, after what he had done to this poor girl. But that's why he was so angry. He didn't feel guilt. He didn't feel anything. Only anger.  
"Fuck this shit", he growled and he marched outside. He slammed the door from the barn behind him, but when he wanted to walk away, he bumped into someone. Vinnie looked down and saw that irritating friend of Elena. Great. Just great. She looked at him with wide eyes, but he saw determination in it. That was not good. Before he even thought about what his next move was gonna be, he had already grabbed her by the shirt and pulled her close to him. She let out a soft scream and he moved his face close to hers. Their noses almost touched each other. She stared at him, now with fear in her eyes. Good. Fear was good.  
"If you tell anyone about this, I will hunt you down and rip your head off. Understand?", he growled between clenched teeth. The girl nodded, even she hadn't any clue where he was talking about. But she would find out, soon enough. Vinnie let her go and pushed her away. She stumbled and fell on the ground. But Vinnie was already gone.  
He decided he needed to find another place to get drunk from now on. He knew there was a bar on the other side of town. So, he jumped on his bike and drove away, with no regret.

Weeks past by. Vinnie spend every evening and night at the bar and slept the whole day. After that horrible night, after what he had done… The darkness inside of him took him over completely. He didn't want to feel anymore. He didn't want to live anymore. Every night when he went to bed, he just wished he wasn't going to wake up the next day. But every day, he opened his eyes again. And that made him even more angry. He needed the alcohol to calm his nerves, to stop the restless feeling inside of him. He had completely lost his way. His reputation had preceded him. He was one of the most feared mice in town. Vinnie was fine with it. They left him alone because they were scared. Nobody dared to stand in his way. The few who did, well… You know. Almost every night, another girl went with him to his house. Or sometimes, they didn't even made it to the house. But he had one rule. No girl was allowed to sleep in his bed. They needed to leave as soon they were finished. They all obeyed. Well, he could be very convincing.  
So, time past by, but Vinnie hardly noticed. His father had tried to talk to him multiple times, but Vinnie never listened. No, Finn had his chance. But he fucked up, big time. It was too late. His mom still ignored him, but he didn't care anymore. He actually didn't care about anything anymore. He had done everything to forget his pain. He had build huge walls around him, so nobody could come close to him. So that nobody could hurt him.  
In the meantime, the Plutarkians slowly started attacking Mars. But Vinnie wasn't scared of them. He wasn't scared of anything anymore.

It was a busy night at the bar, since it was saturday. Vinnie was chilling on the couch, his favorite spot, drinking a glass of Martian Liquor. When the door opened, he turned his head to see who came inside. He almost dropped his glass.  
Throttle.  
He hadn't talked to him since that day he got into his first fight at school. Wauw. That felt years ago. But in reality, it was only a few months ago. But what was the tan furred mouse doing here? It was nothing like him to be in a bar where only the outcast came.  
Throttle searched the crowd and his gaze stopped on Vinnie. Vinnie could see the shock on his face. He decided to take Throttle outside, because he suddenly realized what he was doing here. Lecture him. No way that anybody was gonna witness that.  
Vinnie jumped at his feet and walked over to Throttle. He grabbed his arm and dragged him outside.  
When they were standing on a place with enough privacy, Vinnie let him go.  
"What the fuck are you doing here, Throttle?", he asked with a low voice, his eyes narrowed.  
Throttle shook his head, clearly shocked to see Vinnie like this.  
"I came here to check on you. It's been a while… I eh… I must say… You look… wauw… Since when are you so muscular?"  
Vinnie shook his head.  
"Stop with the small talk. What are you doing here? Let me guess, my father asked you."  
Throttle sighed.  
"He is worried sick about you, Vin. And now I understand why. He should be worried. What the hell happened to you?"  
"Life happened to me. And my dad should give up. He had his chance. He fucked up. Big time."  
"Come on, Vin. This isn't who you are… I hear stories about you. I didn't believe them at first. But now… Jezus Vinnie… Why are you doing this to yourself…?"  
"Stop. I don't want to hear any of this shit. This is who I am. If you don't like it, that's your problem. But don't you dare to make it my problem. Just leave me the fuck alone." Vinnie turned around.  
"Vinnie, wait… Talk to me, bro. Just tell me what happened to you…"  
Vinnie froze. He slowly turned around, his tail lashing through the air.  
"Really? You know my story, Throttle. You know what happened to me. But you decided to stand on the sideline, just like everybody else. Everyone has let me down. So, I'm on my own now. But you know what? That's okay. I don't care anymore. About anything. I advise you to do the same. Forget about me. And leave me alone, for fuck sake."  
"You do care, Vinnie. Otherwise you wouldn't be so mad all the time. Jezus, the things that happened to you... You didn't deserve any of that shit. Heck, I would be just as mad if these things had happened to me. But I know, that deep down, the real you is still in there. But now, you are turning into the person you hate so much, namely; your mother. And you need to know that I am here to help you. You're right, I didn't do enough to help you. And I'm sorry. But I'm here for you now, bro. Not because your father asked me to, because I want it myself…"  
Vinnie stared at him. For a second, he let himself think what would happen if he accepted Throttle's help. But then he shook his head. No. It would probably turn out into a great disappointment. Trust nobody, only yourself.  
"Go away, Throttle. Just leave me alone. Forget about me. It's for the best." Vinnie turned around and walked away, leaving Throttle speechless behind.

When Vinnie was back inside, he felt restless. The conversation with Throttle had made impact, no matter how hard he tried to deny it. He suddenly felt his anger flame up again. God dammit. Why did Throttle came here? Why did he still care? He wanted to sit on the couch again, but there was another mouse sitting now.  
"Move", he growled.  
The mouse looked up at him, but didn't stand up. His friends had recognized Vinnie and tried to make their friend stand up, but the mouse still didn't move.  
"Come on Cole, let it go…", but Cole looked challenging at Vinnie.  
Vinnie narrowed his eyes. This mouse looked somehow familiar. But he couldn't place it.  
"So, you must be Vinnie…", Cole said slowly. Vinnie clenched his fists.  
"I said; move. Now."  
"I take that as a yes. So it is you who raped my sister…"  
Ah. Elena. That's why the mouse looked familiar. How the hell did he know it was him who had done that to his sister?  
Ah well, who cares? He sure didn't. Not anymore. Let's play a little with his head.  
One corner of Vinnie's mouth curled up into a arrogant smile.  
"Oooh, you mean Elena? Yeah, I remember her. Sweet, naive, young Elena…" Vinnie's smile grew bigger when he saw how Cole jumped up in anger. He just couldn't help himself. He loved to provoke people. Especially now, since he was already on edge because of the talk with Throttle.  
"You son of a bitch. How could you do that to her?"  
The two mice stood against each other, almost nose to nose. His friends tried to stop him, but Elena's brother was apparently determined to make Vinnie pay. Ugh. As if he had a chance...  
"She practically begged me for it… And oh boy, how she liked it…", Vinnie said, provoking the brother even more.  
"You're disgusting! At least have the balls to admit what you did!" and Cole raised his hand, his fist clenched. But when he tried to hit Vinnie, the white furred mouse grabbed his arm in a iron grip and twisted Cole's arm on his back. Cole now stood with his back to Vinnie and the latter leaned forward, still holding the arm.  
"You wanna hear the truth? Fine. I fed her drunk, I took her with me, I pushed her on the ground, I ripped off her clothes… She was so tight… She didn't stop crying, begging me to stop. But I didn't… Oh boy, do you know how it feels to fuck a virgin? It really is something to die for…", he whispered in Cole's ear. Cole was breathing heavily, tears were streaming over his face. Vinnie let him go and pushed him away. His friends catched him and dragged him quickly to the door. But before they were able to take him outside, Cole turned around. He looked at Vinnie with disgust written on his face, pure hatred in his eyes.  
"What happened to you that you became such a monster? I almost feel sorry for you… You will pay for what you did. You will live your whole live alone, with nobody by your side. With no love, no joy, no happiness… And I sure hope you live long enough to feel the loneliness. To suffocate in it!" and he turned around and walked outside with his friends.

Vinnie let out his breath and sat down at the couch. Jezus. What an annoying guy. He grabbed his glass and stared at the liquor. He tried to feel anything, anything else than anger, frustration and sorrow. He searched for guilt. But he didn't find it. But he had to admit. Cole's words had hit him. His hands started to shake and he felt suddenly the urge to cry. No. NO! He jumped up and smashed his glass against the wall. It exploded into thousand pieces. The whole bar fell silent and stared at him.  
"What are you looking at?", he screamed in anger. Everybody quickly continued with what they were doing. Vinnie ran outside, into the desert. He fell on his knees and he grabbed his head.  
"Stop… stop… STOP!", he yelled. He didn't want to cry. Crying was for the weak. He wasn't weak, not anymore. He took a few deep breaths. Slowly, he calmed down a little. But his heart was pounding in his chest. No matter how hard he tried to ignore it, to push it away, it was still there. That little voice in his head.  
 _"What happened to you that you became such a monster?"  
_ He bend over, his eyes squeezed, breathing heavily.  
"Please, stop. I'm no monster…" but the voice didn't burdge.  
 _"You are a monster. And you know it…"_

Another few weeks past by. Not that Vinnie really noticed what happened in these weeks. Since his little outburst a few weeks ago, he was drunk. Every hour, every minute he was awake, he was drunk.  
After a night full with meaningless sex, fights and a lot of alcohol, he was stumbling home. He hardly could walk and he fell on the ground a few times.  
When he finally arrived at his place, he froze. What the fuck? He shook his head a couple of times, he rubbed his eyes over and over again. But everytime he opened them again, the image wasn't changed. He stared at the place where his home used to be. But it was nothing more than a krater now. Smoke was circling into the air, the smell of burned wood and flesh was hanging in the air. He fell on his knees, since his legs couldn't carry his weight anymore. And he just stared at it. He couldn't believe this. He never had thought that the Plutarkians were gonna be a real threat. And he sure couldn't believe that his parents were gone.  
He suddenly felt the urge to laugh. This was crazy. Beyond crazy. His parents, who made his life so miserable, were dead. BOOM. Exploded into a thousand pieces. They probably didn't even notice. Such a easy way to die. How ironic. That they got away with all this so easily. And that they left him behind. They just left him behind, with all this shit to deal with. Everything they had done to him… he was dragging this burdon with him every day, every minute, every second… And they just left him. Thank you and goodbye. Some heritage...  
Vinnie's hands were shaking, his tail lashed through the air. He tried to stop it, but he couldn't. He felt his lips curled into a smile and before he knew it, he was laughing out loud. It was like somebody took over his body. He heard himself laughing, but it didn't sound joyfull. No, it sounded hysterical. Maniacal. He tried to stop, but it was no use. He was lying on the ground, laughing so hard that his belly hurted, his cheeks cramped…  
He had done everything to make his mother see him. But since that day, she never had spoke to him again. And he was so angry about it. He hated her. How many times he just wanted her to die? But now, he started to realize she was gone. Really gone. And he suddenly wished she was still here. That she would take him in her arms. That he could cry on her shoulder. That he could tell her he still loved her, even now. That he could tell her how sorry he was for everything he had done. That he could ask her to be his mom again. But she was gone. Just like his father… Ah man, his father…  
He had tried on his own way to make Vinnie happy. He did everything he could to be there for his son. But Vinnie just pushed him away. And he suddenly wished he hadn't. He wished that his father was still here. That he would take him in his arms. That he could cry on his shoulder. That he could tell him he still loved him, even now. That he could tell him how sorry he was for everything he had done. That he could ask him to be his dad again. But he was gone… And he just wished he could tell both of them how sorry he was that he was such a disappointment to them. Jezus...  
Vinnie had thought he was alone before all this. And that he was fine with that. But now, he was really alone. And he wasn't fine with that at all. No, he was scared. Emotions whirled inside of him, he didn't know what to do with it. He was laughing and crying at the same time, he felt like he was really losing his mind right now. Every muscle in his body was tensed, tears were streaming out of his eyes, his throat was burning like it was on fire… He heard himself scream in agony, still with that hysterical laughing and crying between it. Why wasn't he here tonight? Why had he left? Why wasn't he lying in his bed, like a normal teenager and why, for fuck sake why, didn't he die with his parents?  
He vaguely noticed that someone was kneeling next to him, but he couldn't see who it was. He didn't really care, though.  
"Vinnie?"  
Throttle's voice. Vinnie ignored him, struggling to get air.  
"Vinnie, easy now, little bro… Easy… I'm here…"  
Vinnie perked his ears. Did he hear fear in Throttle's voice? He turned his head and looked at the tan furred mouse. Throttle looked back at him, shock in his eyes, but also warmth.  
"They.. they are gone, bro…", Vinnie managed to say, his voice hoarse. Throttle nodded.  
"I know, little bro… I'm so sorry…"  
"No… no sorry… It's just… I wish I was there… to die with them…", Vinnie whispered. Throttle breathed in sharply.  
"Come on, Vin. You are coming with me, to my place. We will help you, Vinnie. I will help you. I promise you this; I will be always by your side. I will help you to control yourself. I will do everything it takes to get you back on your feet. You're not alone. Come on."  
Vinnie managed to get on his feet. Throttle supported him and they slowly walked to Throttle's house.

"Oh my god, Vincent… Come here, boy", Star breathed when Throttle and Vinnie came in. She pulled Vinnie in her arms and stroked his back.  
"Easy now…", she whispered, holding him tightly. Vinnie just stood there, feeling empty and dead. His body was still shaking, he still felt tears streaming over his face. But on the inside, he felt numb. But he accepted her holding him.  
"Come, let's get you on the couch. I will make you some warm milk."  
Star guided him to the livingroom and set Vinnie on the couch. Throttle followed them and sat down on the chair next to the couch. Star gave him a meaningful look and left the room. Vinnie's breathing was still heavily, coming out in rapid breaths. He was shaking uncontrollably, his eyes were wide open. He needed to calm down. Where was the tough mouse he liked so much? Gone for now. Great. The moment things really got though, he was back to the scared, little deer.  
Star came back with a steaming mug and gave it to Vinnie. He took it with shaking hands, trying to hold the mug still. He sniffed and smelled the comfortable scent of warm milk with a hint of honey. He sighed and closed his eyes. He took a sip and felt how the warm drink warmed up his body from the inside. Slowly, he calmed down. The shaking slowly stopped. The tears stopped. He could breathe again. When the mug was empty, he opened his eyes.  
"There you go…", Star whispered, rubbing his back.  
At that point, Tread walked in. He grabbed a chair and sat down across from Vinnie, so he could look him in the eye.  
"Vincent. I am so sorry for your loss. No words can describe how sorry I am. No child should be orphan at such a young age…", he said warmly. Vinnie slowly nodded, he still didn't trust his voice enough to say something back.  
"Look at me, Vincent." Vinnie slowly lifted his head and looked at Tread. The tan furred mouse was looking at him with sympathy, but no pity. Vinnie was grateful for that. He didn't want pity. There was also pain in his eyes. But no surprise there. Vinnie had lost his parents, but Tread and Star had lost two good friends.  
"Listen. Listen to me very carefully. I've heard from Throttle how you've lived your life the last couple of months. I heard stories I didn't want to believe, but knew they were truth. You have done some terrible things, Vincent."  
Still, no judgement. No anger. And there it was. The shame. The guilt. It took his breath away.  
"You can stay with us, we will take care of you as family. We will do everything to help you. To get you back on track. But I expect the same from you. If you want to live here, you live by our rules. We run this household with love and respect. So, no more going out, no more drinking, no more sex and no more fighting. You are only sixteen years old. It's time you are gonna act like one. I don't expect it's going to be easy, I'm sure you will slip sometimes. But if I see you are trying, really trying, we will be there for you to help you get back on your feet. We can't change the past, but we sure can change the future. You need to understand that I respect every decision you make. But if it doesn't fit in our lifestyle, you are on your own. Are you up to it? You think you can do it?"  
Vinnie processed all this. But he already knew he was gonna take this chance. He needed them.  
"I eh… Yeah. I'm up to it. Dammit, I don't know what to say… Thanks…", he stuttered. Tread clapped him on the shoulder.  
"No problem, buddy. I can't promise everything is gonna be okay, but I can promise you this: we are gonna do everything it takes to try to make everything okay."

Vinnie was lying in bed, clenching his fist, breathing heavily. It has been a week since his parents died and he was having a hard time to lay off the alcohol. But he had promised that he would. He had promised that to himself. Because if he didn't, he was on his own again. And he didn't want to be on his own again. Never again. He was twisting and turning in his bed. The pain inside was eating him. Ever since that night, he was feeling again. And it was slowly killing him. The shame. The guilt. The pain because of the past. The sorrow because of the loss of his parents. The guilt about what he had done… He growled and pushed his face into the pillow, his jaws clenched with so much strength, it almost hurted. He was losing his mind over here. He jumped out of the bed. Enough was enough. There was only that much a mouse could take. He sure couldn't take this any longer. He needed a drink. And fast.  
He almost ran out of his room and stumbled down the stairs. But when he was standing before the liquor collection from Tread, something stopped him. He started pacing, mumbling to himself.  
"You can't do this. If you do, you throw away everything you have left now. But I don't want to feel this anymore. I can't handle this. It's too much. I'm weak… I'm weak…"  
"You okay, Vinnie?"  
Vinnie almost jumped out of his fur and saw Throttle standing close to him.  
"Yeah, fine… Just restless.. I couldn't sleep", he quickly said, not wanting Throttle to see his weakness.  
"I know you want something to drink. I can see you really need it. You are desperate, thinking that the alcohol is the only way to ease the pain… But it isn't. Sometimes, you need to accept the pain. Embrace it. Stop running from it. Only then, you can process it and only then, things will get better in time. But nobody said it was going to be easy."  
Vinnie stared at him. Was he crazy? Accept it? Embrace it? Ugh. No way.  
"Eh, thanks… I guess… I will go back to bed now. Goodnight", he said and quickly went back to his room.  
He lay down again and pulled the blanket over his head. But instead of feeling restless again, he felt something else. Proud. He blinked his eyes. He hadn't felt proud for a long time now. He investigated the feeling. Yeah. He was proud. Of himself. Because he hadn't admitted to his urge to drink. No. A little smile curled his lips. Maybe he wasn't that weak. And suddenly, he felt determined to fight. Fight against his needs. Fight to be a better person again. And with that little smile still on his face, he fell asleep.

 _Present_

Violet was sitting next to Vinnie's bed. Throttle was sitting next to her. Two months had been passed, and Vinnie was still out. But, his body was showing signs he was coming closer to the surface.  
"Will he be awake when our baby is gonna be born, Throttle?", she asked.  
It was not the first time she asked. No, she almost asked Throttle the same question every day, every hour. Throttle didn't care, though. He completely understood her fears. But he just wished he could give her an answer. Not because he was tired of her asking him the same question over and over again, no… He wished he could ease her pain, take away her worries. But he couldn't. So, he said what he always said when she asked him this.  
"We can only hope, Violet. Don't lose hope."  
Violet smiled at him and looked back at Vinnie. She suddenly gasped.  
"He is smiling! Look, Throttle! He is smiling!", she said urgently.  
Throttle looked and saw she was right. A little smile curled the lips from the white furred mouse.  
"That's a good sign, isn't it?", Violet asked, almost desperate. Throttle nodded and gently took her hand.  
"Yeah, Vi… it is…"

* * *

Please review! :)


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks for the reviews! I can't say enough how much I appreciate them.

* * *

 **Chapter six**

 _Past_

"He is like a tank, he is determined to score, nobody can stop him, nobody is gonna be fast enough, he is gonna score, but wait! Wait! Here's Vinnieeee!", the white furred mouse cheered and jumped at Throttle's back. They both fell on the floor and Vinnie quickly grabbed the ball from Throttle. He threw it and he scored.  
"AAAOOWW! He scooooooores!"  
Throttle was still lying on his belly, looking at his younger bro who was cheering because of his victory.  
"And the crowd goes wild!" Vinnie looked down at Throttle, a big smile on his face. Throttle shook his head, but couldn't hide his smile. Vinnie offered him a hand and Throttle took it to stand up.  
"So, another game?", Vinnie asked, his eyes twinkling. Throttle shook his head.  
"No way man, you are killing me here."  
Vinnie smiled and clapped his back.  
"Ah, come on Throttle. You didn't actually thought you were gonna win this? I'm the baddest mammajammer from the universe," and he wiggled his eyebrows.  
"Modest too…", Throttle said.  
"Forget modest. I'm the best!"

It has been a month since his parents died, and the transformation from Vinnie had surprised everybody around him. He was determined to show them he really wanted to change. That he was fine. That he was happy with himself. That nobody could take him down anymore. Somewhere, deep down, the dark emotions were still present. But Vinnie pushed it all away. He locked it into a deep, dark place in his brain and threw away the key. Sometimes, the dark came back. When somebody was saying something bad about people he cared about, like Throttle and his parents. Then he could feel the old anger flame up again. And then he made sure they would pay for it. He also still liked girls. He didn't have that many like he used to have, but sometimes, he unleashed his charms and he had a meaningless, one night stand. He loved to play the game, to get into a girls head, to make her do what he wanted. But it was different. Vinnie was different. He felt different. He felt reborn. His charming, happy personality mixed with a few shades of black in it. He loved his looks, his studly bod… He was everything he always wanted to be.  
And it was a perfect way to mask his pain. Since he still didn't knew how to handle all his emotions, he just pushed it away. And it felt like something was missing. Something to feed his need for adrenaline. Because he needed that rush to handle his emotions. Because he wasn't used to talk about his emotions, he needed another way to handle them. And one night, he found it.

Vinnie was standing before his house. Nothing changed since the night he had found out. The war was slowly getting worse, and the damaged parts weren't restored anymore. He stared at his house. The place where he grew up. The place without love, only filled with hate and sorrow. He shook his head and looked at the barn. It was still standing. He walked to it and opened the door. When the light flickered on, he froze. There was a beautiful, red racing bike standing in the middle of the barn. Vinnie slowly walked closer, looking at the bike. It was beautiful. Made for speed. How in the world did this bike get in their barn?  
He looked around him and saw something on the desk in the corner. He grabbed it and felt his heart stop beating.  
It was a blueprint of the bike. Every detail was drawn, everything was thought about… He studied it and felt a tingle in his belly. This bike was made for speed, for stunting, for fighting… It had a complete weapon system in it and most importantly… an AI chip. Vinnie flipped through the pages, but stopped when a drawing in the corner of the paper took his attention. He stopped breathing. His father had drawn the bike with a white furred mouse on it. He was looking at himself, Vinnie realised. His father had built this bike for him… But why…  
Suddenly, a big grin appeared on his face. Who cares why? He quickly opened the doors from the barn and put on the helmet that was lying on the bike. It was specially designed to cover up his whole head, but with enough space for his ears. Parts were painted the same colour as the bike and it had a radio system in it. Vinnie's grin grew only bigger and he jumped on the bike. The bike beeped and started the engine.  
"Aaaaallright!", Vinnie cheered and the bike beeped back.  
"Say there sweetheart, wanna go for a ride? You know, to get to know each other?", Vinnie asked the bike with a bittersweet voice, wiggling his eyebrows.  
He laughed and the bike revved her engine. Vinnie excitement only grew bigger when he heard the sound of the engine. This was no kids bike. No, this bike was serious business. He leaned forward, grabbing the handlebars. It was kinda weird, since they weren't horizontal like most of the bikes. No, they were pointed down. That was gonna take some time to get used to it. He looked at all the buttons, but decided he first needed to test the bike. He closed the visor on his helmet (after searching for the button for almost a minute, but hey, nobody saw it) and he opened the gas. The bike immediately respond and Vinnie almost flew off.  
"Aaaooww, sweetheart, you got some power!", he laughed appreciatively. He quickly threw his weight forward and made sure to stay there. He suddenly understood why the handlebars were designed like this. It forced the driver to lean forward and stay there. To avoid the driver would fall off.

He drove into the desert, a little unhandy with the gas. He wasn't used to a bike with these kind of power. But no biggie. He knew he would learn. When he was in the open, he stopped and pushed a button. At both sides, two laser guns came out, on the top a canon. Vinnie was almost bouncing on his seat, searching for the button to fire. He found them on the top of the handlebars. He pushed the right button and both lasers fired. When he pushed the left button, a rocket flew out of the cannon and exploded when it landed, meters away. Vinnie threw his fists in the air.  
"AAAAOOWWW! This is awesome!", he cheered. He eagerly pushed the other buttons and he found out this bike was something special. It had multiple weapon systems, a radio, communication gear, enough storage to bring extra ammo... When he examined the handlebars, he discovered they could be pulled back. But nothing happened. Ah, maybe when he was driving. He jumped back on the seat and drove away. When he was going fast enough, he pulled them back. The engine roared and the bike sped away. Vinnie wasn't prepared for this at all and flew off the bike. He landed hard on the ground. Ah… Turbo jets… Sure, why not? Thankfully, nobody had noticed. The bike returned to him, beeping loud. He stood up, laughing and took back his seat.  
"Yeah yeah, sweetheart, I know. Let's try that again."  
This time, he was prepared. He made sure that he leaned forward and pulled back the handlebars. The bike sped away, and Vinnie remained on her seat this time.  
"Holy shit", he whispered, glad he had a visor on his helmet. Otherwise, his eyes would probably just fly out of his head. But then, a grin split his face almost in two and he vowed to himself, he was gonna practise everyday, so he would become the best rider on Mars. No, the whole galaxy. He finally had found something that gave him the same rush, no even a better rush, as sex of fighting and that was riding this bike, full speed. He stopped and pulled off his helmet, his heart pounding in his chest. He looked up to the sky.  
"Thanks dad…", he whispered.

The next few weeks, Vinnie was riding his bike every day. And he improved fast. Throttle went with him as much as he could. Since he was done with school and Vinnie wasn't allowed to come back, they had all the time of the world. Vinnie had learned a lot from his dad about bikes, so he upgraded his and Throttle's bike now and then. Throttle also had a full weapon system on his bike now and with help from Tread, they made the same shaped helmet for the tan furred mouse. Including the radio. Just to be prepared. Just in case… And one day it turned out to be a good idea to be prepared. Because one day, it became very clear the Plutarkians were determined to take over Mars. To destroy it. And use the resources. Till that day, there were occasionally some attacks, spread over the whole planet. But that day changed everything.  
Throttle and Vinnie were riding in the desert, racing each other.  
"AAAOOWW, eat my dust, Throttle!", Vinnie cheered. He looked in his mouse shaped mirror and saw that Throttle was close to him, but not close enough to get passed him. Not that Throttle was a bad biker, no, not at all. He just didn't had the same desire to live on the edge like the white furred mouse loved to live. Throttle loved to win, but was also attached to his life. Suddenly, they heard a loud explosion and Vinnie hit the brakes. Throttle stopped next to him and they turned around to look where the sound came from.  
"Holy sweet Mothers of Mars...", Throttle whispered, his eyes big. Vinnie breathed in sharply. A big ship was flying above their town, bombing everything. For a few moments, they could only stare at what was happening. But Vinnie came to senses.  
"We need to go back, we need to see if there is anything we can do!", he yelled, revving his bike. Throttle tried to stop him.  
"Vincent, no, it's too dangerous…", but Vinnie ignored him. Throttle had no other choice than to follow his younger bro. His younger bro who wasn't scared of anything. Who loved to live on the edge. Who needed his adrenaline to survive. To fight his darkness. Since he never learned how to talk about his emotions, he needed another way to express himself. And that was fighting, driving like a mad man… And Throttle had vowed to protect him. To stay by his side, to avoid that the white furred adrenaline junkie was gonna make the same mistakes he had made in the past. So, he followed him. When they were close, the ship was already gone.

Vinnie flew into the town and was shocked when he saw the damage. The only place he knew, where he grew up, no matter how hard that was, was destroyed. And that made him mad, actually. He heard Throttle's bike behind him and took the lead to Throttle's house. He stopped his bike with shrieking brakes when they were close.  
"No…", he whispered, pulling of his helmet. They were too late. The house was a mess. Throttle stopped next to him, fighting to pull off his helmet. But because of the panic, it didn't went that well. Vinnie jumped off his bike and helped his bro.  
"Come on, maybe they are still alive", he said to Throttle, who was obviously losing it by seeing his damaged house.  
Vinnie grabbed him by the arm and dragged him with him.  
"Tread! Star! You here?", he yelled and pricked his ears. Throttle did the same and they suddenly heard a soft moan. They followed the noise and found Star. She was lying under the rubble, her head heavily bleeding. A big piece of the ceiling was lying on her body. She could hardly breathe. Throttle fell on his knees.  
"No… No, mom… Dammit… What do I need to do? What… Mom...", he cried, touching her. Vinnie quickly used all his strength to get the big piece off of her, but she screamed in pain and Vinnie stopped, his eyes wide. "Sorry…"  
"My boys…", she breathed, tears in her eyes. Throttle held her in his arms, as far that was possible. He stroked away her hair with a shaking hand.  
"I… I love you… Both of… you… my boys… fore...ever…" Star was struggling to speak. She looked into Throttle's eyes.  
"Mom… Oh my god, mom…", he whispered, tears streaming over his face. Vinnie just stood there, he didn't knew what to do. He felt his heart pounding in his chest, he wanted to cry but he just couldn't. Star signed Throttle to come closer. She whispered something in his ear and Throttle nodded, but with confusion and despair on his face.  
"I promise, mom, but why are you saying this… You are gonna make it through, just hold on… We are gonna get help, mom please…", his voice broke, overwhelmed by emotions. But it was too late. Star gurgled and her eyes rolled back in her head. After a few last cramps, she completely relaxed. She was dead.  
Vinnie could only stare in horror. No… His second mom… His real mom actually… God, the pain in his heart was unbearable. But he just didn't knew what to do. The tears didn't come. He could only stare at the dead body of the woman who actually had cared about him. Who had loved him unconditionally. Loved him like her own son. And now, she was gone...  
Throttle bend over and screamed.  
"NOOOO!"  
Vinnie's felt goosebumps by the pain that was clearly heard in Throttle's voice. No, how could this happen? Why, after all the pain, the sorrow... how in the world could this happen? He finally had felt some happiness again, and now… Everything was ruined. Nothing was ever gonna be the same again… He suddenly remembered Tread. Shit. Where was he? He looked one more time at Throttle, who was holding the body of his mom tightly. He wasn't going anywhere.  
Vinnie quickly searched the rest of the house, and finally found Tread close by where the stairs used to be. But he was already dead. And his body was… well, Vinnie hardly recognized it. It looked like he got caught in the explosion. Vinnie gagged and stumbled backwards. his eyes wide. He took a deep breath and turned around. There was nothing he could do for Tread. His second father. His real father actually. His lifesaver. Thanks to Tread, he was able to get his life back on track. And he was only halfway there and now his mentor, his father was gone. Vinnie felt his chest tighten, but he still couldn't cry. He just couldn't. But it was a good thing. He needed to be strong for Throttle. His older bro was always there for him. Now, it was time to return the favor.

When he came back to Throttle, the tan furred mouse was still in the same position, staring at his mom. Vinnie kneeled down next to him and grabbed his arm. But how was he gonna tell him this? How was he gonna tell his bro that his father was dead? But he needed to tell him. He had every right to know.  
"Throttle… I… I found Tread…", Vinnie said hesitantly.  
Throttle's head jerked up, looking at Vinnie and he opened his mouth to ask it, but he already saw the answer in Vinnie's eyes. Vinnie swung an arm around Throttle.  
"I'm sorry, bro… Jezus, I'm so, so sorry…"  
Throttle leaned against him, still holding his mom. Vinnie knew they needed to leave. What if they came back, to check if there were any survivors? Sure, Vinnie knew how to fight. But with Throttle in this state...  
"Throttle… we need to get out of here. We don't know if they are coming back, we…" but Throttle shook his head.  
"I'm not leaving her. Neither am I leaving my dad", he said with a hoarse voice. Vinnie looked in his bro's eyes and suddenly felt his old anger flame up. The pain in his bro's eyes… Jezus, the Plutarkians did that. And they were gonna pay for it. Nobody was allowed to hurt his bro without consequences. Vinnie used the anger to find the strength to get his body in motion. He grabbed his bro by the shoulders.  
"We have no choice, bro… We are gonna make them pay, you hear me? We are gonna make them pay for what they did. We are gonna fight. They are not gonna get away with this. No. We are gonna go look for them, hunt them down and kill them. Slowly. Painfully."  
Throttle looked at Vinnie by hearing his determined voice. Vinnie looked back and he saw something chance in Throttle's eyes. The tan furred mouse slowly nodded.  
"You're right. They need to pay for this."  
He gave his mom one last kiss on her head and slowly stood up.  
"Bye mom… I'm sorry I can't take you with me… But… I love you. And I will miss you…", he whispered, looking at the dead body at his feet.  
He saw his clothes were stained with his mother's blood. That made him even more determined. Vinnie respected and admired Throttle's strength. When he found out his parents were dead, he went ballistic. And his parents weren't even a loving couple. The fact that Throttle even had the strength to get back on his feet, was something Vinnie always would remember. He suddenly realized how he looked up to Throttle. And he vowed to himself, he was gonna be there for Throttle. Fight by his side. He would let him guide him. Because he needed Throttle. And right now, Throttle needed him.  
The two mice walked outside and stepped on their bikes. They nodded to each other.  
"Let's rock and ride, little bro", Throttle whispered into the radio. Vinnie revved his bike as answer.  
"Let's whip some Plutarkian tail." And they drove away.  
They had no idea how to do this. Heck, they were only teenagers. No soldiers. But one thing was for sure. The Plutarkians were gonna pay, one way or another.

 _Present_

Violet and Throttle were sitting next to Vinnie's bed. Violet held Vinnie's hand, playing with his fingers absently. Throttle was staring in the distance.  
"I think he is dreaming about his past", the tan furred mouse suddenly said. He and Violet had talked about this every day, guessing what was making their white furred friend so upset. But Throttle suddenly remembered the conversation by the campfire, the night before Vinnie's accident. Violet looked at him questionably.  
"The night before his accident, he told us he was having nightmares, but that he had no clue what he was dreaming about. I forgot he told us. But when I think of it, what is the one thing that could upset Vinnie? It must be his past…" Throttle felt his stomach turn. He also got upset when he thought of their shared past. Like the day they had found his parents, for example. Star, dying in his arms… He gave himself a mental shake. Violet gently took his hand.  
"It's okay, Throttle. It's okay, to be sad. About what happened. I don't know everything, but I know the loss of your parents was hard for you…"  
Throttle looked at her and gave her a sad smile.  
"Yeah, I know it's okay. But if I think about it too long, well... ", he trailed off, staring at Vinnie. Violet squeezed his hand.  
"I know…", she whispered. She looked at Vinnie again. When was he gonna wake up? Their baby was almost ready to be born. Two weeks to go. Swee had told them he could wake up any minute now, but it could also take another week. But his body was giving signs he was close to the surface. A tear escaped her eye. Throttle softly wiped it away.  
"He will be fine, Violet. I just know he will. But if he really is reliving his whole past, well… He is gonna be emotional unstable when he wakes up. And it's important we are gonna be there for him. But he will be fine. He always is. He always bounces back on his feet."  
Violet wasn't sure if he was only trying to convince her, but also himself. But she knew he was right. Vinnie was strong. He will pull through. He always does.

 _Past/Present_

Vinnie noticed the images of his past were going faster and faster. He saw how Throttle and he met Stoker, how they joined the Freedom Fighters, how they met Modo. They became good friends and they were all very determined to wipe out the Plutarkians. He saw how he met Harley for the first time. Their fights, the explosion that ripped off half of his face, the loss of Harley… Then, the crash on Earth, Charley, their adventures, the explosion of the Last Chance Garage, how he killed Limburger and Karbunkle. Their trip back to Mars, the night he met Violet, their fight on Mars, the virus, his kidnapping, the explosion of Mars, Coelum, dragons, Spero, Lectorium, Dominus, back to Earth, Dani, Rimfire, his mental breakdown… The images speeded before his eyes, faster and faster. And suddenly, it stopped.  
He saw the night that Violet told him she was pregnant, the happy look on her face, her twinkling eyes. He smiled and tried to touch her, but the only thing he grabbed was air. He felt his heart pounding in his chest, and suddenly he felt tingles in his whole body. And pain. Man, it felt like his whole body was on fire.  
The images speeded again, right to the point he was flying off his bike. The tree coming closer and him trying to avoid it, to avoid the crash. But of course, that was impossible.  
He braced himself for the hard hit and right at the moment he slammed his head against the three, his eyes flew open.

* * *

Yes, Vinnie is awake! But in what state? Please review! :)


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks for the review! :)

* * *

 **Chapter seven**

 _Present_

Bright light. Voices, but too vague to hear. Vinnie blinked a few times and his sight became sharper. His hearing too. He could hear Violet yelling Throttle's name. He tried to turn his head, to see her. But the muscles in his neck stopped him from doing that. He moaned. His whole body was on fire. Every muscle, every bone, every joint… Dammit.  
A hand on his forehead. A face suddenly came into view and protected him from the bright light. Big, green eyes. Black hair. A caramel coloured fur… his girl. His home.  
"Sweetheart", he tried to say, but there was only a soft whisper coming out of his mouth. He coughed, since his mouth was as dry as the Martian desert. Violet was talking to him, but he couldn't really understand what she was saying. His head was pounding. Suddenly, a few drops of water in his mouth. Yeah, that felt good. He wanted more, but Violet shook her head. Damn, he was tired. He yawned and his eyes closed. He fighted to keep them open, but his body didn't listen. And slowly, he fell asleep. But no dreams this time. No, just darkness.

"Vinnie? Shit, he was awake, Throttle. Why…"  
Throttle held up his hand.  
"Swee is gonna examine him. Let's wait what he's got to say about this, okay?"  
Violet opened her mouth again, but then closed it. Throttle had called the doctor the moment Vinnie had opened his eyes and Swee was on his way.  
A few minutes later, he walked in.  
"So, our loudmouth woke up?", he asked while grabbing some instruments. Violet nodded.  
"Yeah. He even tried to say something. But then his eyes closed again and…"  
Swee lay a hand on her shoulder. She looked at him, fear in her eyes.  
"Easy, Violet. You need to stay calm. For your baby. For yourself. Now, step aside, so I can examine him."  
Violet did what he said and she and Throttle waited impatiently till the doc was done.  
Finally, Swee turned around.  
"He is sleeping. So, besides being extremely tired, he is fine."  
Violet's eyes grew big and she grabbed Throttle's hand without even noticing.  
"He… He is fine?", she asked, her voice sharp.  
"Even he was lying in some sort of coma for so long, his body was fighting all the time. He must be exhausted. And after lying in bed for so long, his muscles and joints are stiff. But nothing that can't be fixed. He just needs rest and when he is ready, he needs movement. But, first; rest. Don't be surprised if he is gonna sleep for 24 hours. Give him time. But yeah, Violet. He is fine."  
Violet grabbed him and pulled him in a hug. Swee, at first a little surprised by this, wrapped his arms around her, even though it was a bit unhandy because of her big belly, and clapped her softly on the back.  
"Thank you… Thank you so much. For believing in him. For not giving up. Thank you…", she whispered, tears in her eyes.  
Swee wasn't really a mouse who liked physical contact. He was reserved. Calm. Quiet. But he was touched. He slowly made himself loose from Violet and looked at her big belly.  
"He woke up right on time. Two weeks to go, right?", he asked.  
Violet nodded. She was so relieved. She was so scared Vinnie was gonna miss the birth of their child. But by the looks of things, he was gonna be there. And she was grateful. Because she couldn't do this alone. She needed him. Besides, it was not only her child. No, it was his too. So, they were in this together.

The next day, Vinnie woke up again. He moaned in pain, since his body was killing him. But he felt his head was clear now.  
"Vinnie. Hey, cutie… You okay?"  
Violet's voice was filled with worry. Vinnie slowly turned his head to look at her and smiled. His beautiful girl. Her beautiful green eyes. His gaze lowered and his heart stopped. Her belly was twice as big as the last time he saw her. He tried to get up, but his body protested loud. Violet quickly pushed him back.  
"Easy, Vin. You need to take things slow."  
"How long was I out?!" he asked, somehow scared. And confused.  
"Almost three months…", Violet said slowly, still pushing him down. Vinnie's eyes grew big. Three months? Holy shit.  
"Jezus… Violet, are you okay? How is our baby?", he asked, still trying to get up but Violet was stronger this time.  
"Vin, easy. I'm fine. The baby is fine. You sure got us scared, but everything will be okay now that you are back."  
"But Carbine called, there was something wrong with you, I…"  
Violet suddenly realized that was his last memory. For her, it felt like that happened years ago. For him, it felt like it was yesterday. Weird.  
"That was three months ago, sweetie. The baby was lying in a uncomfortable position and didn't liked it. So, that caused some heavy pains, but we are both okay. You on the other hand… look like shit. Cutie."  
Vinnie stared at her and one corner of his mouth curled into a arrogant smile.  
"Geez, thanks sweetheart. I always look good. And you know it."  
Violet laughed. Yep, he was back. She had missed him so much. Even his ego, his arrogance…  
"Now, sweetheart… Kiss me like you've missed me…", he whispered, winking at her.  
She leaned forward and pressed her lips on his. He kissed her back eagerly, his hands in her hair. They broke off the kiss because of their need for air.  
"So, ehm… Three months, right? That means that little mousie is almost ready to be born, right?", Vinnie asked, looking her in the eye. Violet nodded and smiled.  
"Yeah, two more weeks… But it can happen any day now. And thank the mothers of Mars, you are here when our little sprout is gonna born…"  
She saw how his eyes suddenly filled with sadness and fear.  
"Cutie, what's wrong?", she asked worried. He shook his head.  
"Nothing. Now, can a mouse get something to drink around here? My mouth and throat almost crumble into dust."  
Violet noticed he quickly changed the subject, but she decided to leave it for now. She grabbed a glass of water and gave it to him. He drank it empty in one big gulp.  
"Aahh, so much better. Now, can I please get out of this bed?", he asked, looking at Violet. She smiled.  
"Sure, let's give it a try. But take it easy, okay? Your body needs time to…" but she trailed off when Vinnie was already out of bed. She rolled her eyes.  
"Sure, why listen to me?", she mumbled. Vinnie winked at her. He stretched his muscles.  
"Dammit, I need to start training again. Look at my body! Look at it! It's… skinny…", he pouted.  
Violet looked at him and saw he was right. His arms were a lot skinnier, his abs were completely gone and his legs were also thin. She smiled. He kinda looked cute, instead of a tough macho mouse. A giggle escaped her mouth. Vinnie stared at her, pointing a finger in her direction.  
"Don't you dare to laugh at this. This is…" but Violet burst out into laughter. She just couldn't help it. He looked so different. And she was so relieved he was awake. She didn't care how he looked like. As long as he was here. And she knew that with a little bit of training, he was gonna back to his old self soon enough. Vinnie sighed and crossed his arms before his chest.  
"Honestly… Women…", he growled softly, his eyes rolling. Violet slowly calmed down.  
"I'm sorry, cutie, but come on… You look like Mickey Mouse… It…" but she stopped talking when she saw the look on his face. Okay. Enough was enough. She knew how much his looks meant to him.  
"Okay, I'm sorry. Come on, let's get you outside. Some fresh air will do you good."  
Vinnie nodded and took the sweatpants Violet gave to him. With a little bit of effort, he put on the pants and walked unsteady to the door. Violet followed him.  
Once outside, he stopped and took a few deep breaths. His body felt stiff, but he already felt it was getting a little bit better. He just needed to move. And start training again. Dammit. Violet stood next to him and gently grabbed his hand.  
"Ready?", she asked.  
He nodded. Ready. They slowly walked to the lake. Vinnie wanted to take a swim, because one; he felt his body needed that and second; he didn't like to admit it, but he smelled. Bad.  
"So, how are things going here?", Vinnie asked when they were both in the water. He had Violet in his arms, her back against his (skinny) torso. He had lay his hands on her belly and felt the baby kicking.  
"Well, good actually. Throttle and Carbine are busy with Tread. That little boy looks a lot like you sometimes, honestly… Gaya is even bigger than me and has one week to go. Modo is doing fine. Dani and Swee are still together, he asked her to marry him. She said yes, obviously. They marry next week. Stoker has his hands full with Jake and Rimfire, these two boys are giving him a very hard time… And the rest of the group is fine. We are not that close to the others, but that's nothing new… Everybody is doing fine. Well, they all were very worried about you, but now you are awake... "  
Vinnie closed his eyes and listened to his wife's voice, chattering about everybody. His mind wandered off, to his dreams. He still didn't know how to deal with it. One part of him was saying; let it go, the past is the past. But another part of him was saying; dude, shame on you. Big time. For the things you did. You are no parent material. Someone like you, who even raped a girl, can never be a good father. You are damaged. Forever.  
Truth is; he was scared. Very scared. To become a father. Now he had relived all the bad things he had done when he was young… Jezus, he couldn't get Cole's voice out of his head.

 _"What happened to you that you became such a monster? I almost feel sorry for you… You will pay for what you did. You will live your whole live alone, with nobody by your side. With no love, no joy, no happiness… And I sure hope you live long enough to feel the loneliness. To suffocate in it!"_

Cole was right. He didn't deserve all this. He didn't deserve Violet, he didn't deserve this child… He was gonna mess it up, like he always does. He..  
"VINNIE!"  
His eyes flew open. Violet had turned herself around when she noticed her beloved husband wasn't listening to her anymore.  
"Sorry, sweetheart. You were saying?", Vinnie said, his voice toneless.  
"Nothing that is important. Are you okay, cutie? Please, talk to me…"  
Vinnie stared in her eyes. Why did she even love him? Well, maybe because she doesn't know about everything you have done. You never told her about Elena.. a voice in his head whispered.  
"I eh… Yeah, I'm fine. Just enjoying the water…" and he smiled reassuring at her. But the smile didn't reach his eyes. Violet thought about it. About her talk with Throttle. That Vinnie probably was reliving his whole childhood. And that he needed them when he woke up. That he would be emotional unstable. But there was something stopping him from talking to her.  
That made her mad, actually. Why, for fuck sake why, was he hiding something from her? Again? But she decided to talk to Throttle first. Vinnie just woke up from lying in a coma for three months. She didn't want to jump on him the first day he was awake. Well… She did wanted to jump on him. But in another way...  
Violet wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tightly, her big belly against his.  
"I love you, macho mouse. And I will always be here for you", she whispered in his ear, her voice low. She felt how his body immediately reacted. She slowly looked at him, biting her lower lip. A growl escaped his mouth and he claimed her lips. Suddenly he stopped, breathing heavily.  
"Is this okay? You know, with the baby? I don't want to hurt…" but Violet lay a finger on his lips to stop him.  
"It's okay. Show me what you got, macho mouse."  
And he did. They made love, in the water. It was peaceful. Finally together again.

Violet marched, as far as that was possible with her big belly, straight to Throttle. He was sitting at the porge from his house with Carbine and Modo. They all looked up when they saw Violet approaching.  
"Violet ma'am. Is Vinnie okay?", Modo asked quickly when he saw the look on her face. She shook her head.  
"No, he is not."  
She turned to Throttle.  
"He is not okay, Throttle. I can see it in his eyes. But he refuse to talk to me about it. And I want to know why. Is there something I need to know?", she asked sharply. Throttle sighed.  
"I don't…" but Violet, who felt grumpy like a old lady, stopped him.  
"Don't you dare to say that you don't know. You were there. You were there when he was young and you know. So, tell me."  
Throttle stared at her. She was on fire, alright. But she was always very protective and caring about Vinnie. And when his health, or mental health, was on the line, all the bets were off. And being pregnant, with all the hormones, didn't help either.  
Carbine intervened.  
"Violet, calm down and sit", she said, pointing at a empty chair. Violet looked at her with fuming eyes, but Carbine looked back with an authority on her face that even Violet decided to obey. Violet grumbled something and sat down.  
"Where is Vinnie?", Carbine asked.  
"Sleeping. We walked a bit, took a swim and he was exhausted. So, I ordered him to go to sleep and that he will see you guys tomorrow. That took some convincing, because he really wants to see you guys. But I needed to protect him. So…"  
Modo nodded. Throttle still didn't say a word. Carbine looked at her husband. A thoughtful frown was seen on his face. There was indeed something that he was hiding from her and the rest. Something about Vinnie. Off course. It was always about Vinnie.  
"Throttle? Is there something you want to share with us?", Carbine demanded. Throttle stared at the floor. Carbine couldn't believe this. Why wasn't he saying anything?  
"Throttle? Helloooo?", she asked, waving her hand before his face. Throttle grabbed her hand and pulled it down.  
"Stop it", he said annoyed. He looked at Violet.  
"It is not my story to tell."  
Violet exploded.  
"It never is! But I want to be there for him and I can't if he is not telling me what is wrong! God dammit, he can be so frustrating sometimes. Before the accident, he told me everything. At least, I thought he told me everything. Apparently, he still has secrets! God, when is this gonna end? And then there is you, always protecting him. But somehow, you refuse to understand that sometimes you need to involve me in this shit. Make a team. We are on the same side, dammit! We both care about him. We all do. We all want the best for him…", Violet screamed, tears in her eyes.  
"Violet, calm down. Think about your baby…", Carbine said, but Violet didn't listen.  
"NO! Let me tell you something, I don't even want this kid if the father apparently still has secrets for me! I don't want to be in a relationship, where apparently isn't enough trust…"  
Everybody looked at her in shock.  
"Jezus, Violet. I can't believe you are saying this!", Carbine breathed. Throttle was loss at words. It was Modo who walked over to Violet and lay both hands on her shoulders.  
"Easy, Violet ma'am. We all know that you and Vinnie belong together. And we all know that you want to be in a relationship with him…"  
"Well, you are wrong. How many chances do I need to give him? He betrayed me so many times. And I finally thought things were okay. That we finally were being honest to each other. Well, let me rephrase that. That HE was finally being honest with me. But again, he is holding something back."  
Modo nodded.  
"I know, Violet, I know. There is no excuse. But he loves you. I know he does."  
Violet stared at him. She suddenly felt tired. Tired of fighting. She looked at Throttle with pleading eyes.  
"Please, Throttle. Tell me. I need to know…"  
Throttle was in fight with himself. He had no clue what to do. And that was new. Because he always knew a solution. But Violet had pushed him in a corner. And he didn't liked that at all.  
"You are forcing me to tell you a story that is not mine to tell. He told me this in confidence. I betrayed him once, you know. When he told me about his mother. He begged me not to tell and I even promised him, without blinking, that his secret was safe with me. But then I did tell my parents about it and things got even worse. He hated me for it. Yeah, I know, I did it to help him. But it was wrong. You are forcing me to betray my best friend, my little brother. You can't ask that from me, Violet. It's wrong." His normally calm and husky voice was now sharp and angry. But Violet didn't burdge.  
"You need to tell me."  
Carbine intervened again.  
"Cut it out, both of you. Violet, you are upset. And I understand. Vinnie is not an easy mouse to live with. But you knew that. You knew that when you said yes to him on your wedding. Give him time."  
Violet couldn't believe her ears.  
"Really? I'm having a baby with him. I love him. With all my heart. And I gave him all the time I have. And I know he is not easy and I know he is damaged. But this is getting ridiculous. I'm done. Done with everything."  
And she stood up and walked away. Everybody stared at her till she was out of sight. Carbine looked at Throttle.  
"Is it that bad?", she asked. She knew her husband. He would have told Violet the truth if it wasn't gonna damage Vinnie. But apparently, this was about crossing a line and Vinnie needed protection. Throttle nodded.  
"Yeah, it is…"  
Modo looked at him.  
"What did he do?"  
Throttle's head jerked up.  
"Really? You are gonna ask me the same thing? I already told you…" but Modo held up his hand.  
"I know, Throttle. We are not gonna tell him that we know. But you need to talk about this. You can't carry this bourdon on your own. Let us help you. Without Vinnie's knowing about it."  
Carbine nodded.  
"He is right, Throttle. Let us help you."  
Throttle sighed and ran a hand through his hair.  
"He eh… How am I gonna tell this… You are gonna judge him. And you should, I guess. But I was there. I was there and saw how lost he was. How he completely lost his way. Jezus, I still see that look in his eyes when I found him at his parents house, the night they died. He was... It is not his fault."  
"Just spill it, Throttle. We can decide for ourselves how to react", Carbine pushed him. Throttle shrugged.  
"Okay, fine. Don't say I didn't try to warn you." He took a deep breath and looked at Modo and Carbine.  
"Vinnie raped a girl when he was sixteen."

Modo and Carbine looked at each other, their eyes wide open. Say what?  
"Yeah. So, now you know why I didn't tell her. It is so not my place to tell her." Throttle leaned in his chair, looking at Modo and Carbine.  
"He did what?", Modo asked, his eye glowing red. Throttle sighed agitated.  
"You heard me. Calm down, big fella. It was ten years ago."  
Carbine shook her head.  
"Yeah, so? That doesn't make it right, now does it?", she asked with disbelief.  
"No, off course not. I'm only trying to say; he is not that kinda guy anymore."  
"And how do you know for sure? After everything that happened?"  
Carbine couldn't believe this. She knew how important Vinnie was for Throttle. And she knew Vinnie had two sides and they all loved his happy and charming personality. But the last few months on Earth, she had seen how dark his other side was. He did things she would never forget. And everytime she thought it couldn't get any worse, it somehow did. It always got worse. And Throttle always defended him. Protected him. She was getting tired of it. Vinnie had some serious issues. He carried a lot of problems with him, a troubled mind. And he kept hurting the people around him. How many times do they have to forgive him? When was this gonna stop?  
Modo was also deep in thoughts. He couldn't believe his oversized ears. Vinnie raped a girl. What the...? That is wrong on so many levels. He loved Vinnie like a brother, and he was important for him. But this… Was he able to forgive his younger bro? He didn't knew. Throttle said it was ten years ago, but still… He had seen on Earth how the white furred mouse lost control. What if that was gonna happen again? With his kid living here? Modo shook his head. Come on. It's Vinnie. He would never hurt his own child, or his. But still…  
"I just know, alright? I believe in him. I hope you guys are not gonna let him down because of this. He needs us", Throttle said tiredly.  
"It is always about Vinnie. That we need to spare him. That we need to forgive him. You are always defending him, always protecting him. Throttle, when are you gonna see that some people just never change? When are you gonna see that Vinnie is dangerous? With his mood swings, his anger issues, his need for adrenaline… When are you gonna stop protecting him?", Carbine yelled, jumping on her feet. She was so mad. No, she was furious. She loved Throttle with all her heart, but this was going too far. He needed to wake up.  
Throttle also jumped on his feet. Him being mad was a rare thing. But when it was about Vinnie, all bets were off.  
"I will never stop protecting him. He is my younger bro. You weren't there, okay? I don't ask you to understand, I just ask you to trust me and to support me in this. I promised my mom…" but Carbine interrupted him.  
"Your mother is DEAD, Throttle. Tragic, but true. So, I don't think she is gonna notice it if you are gonna break your promise, right? You need to wake up."  
Throttle stared at Carbine like she had slapped him in the face. His face twisted in anger and pain. He whirled around and walked away. Shit. Carbine wanted to follow him.  
"Throttle, I'm sorry, I…" but he ignored her and disappeared into the bushes. Carbine just stood there, tears in her eyes. How could she say that to him? Wauw, that was… harsh. Modo lay a hand on her shoulder.  
"Give him some time."  
"What do you think about this, Modo? Honestly, tell me… Because I'm at loss here…", she whispered. Modo sighed.  
"I don't know what to think. But… You know, Throttle is right. We weren't there. And I must say; I care about Vinnie. A lot. He is my bro. And he has proven many times he is there for us. He is loyal to us. He needs us. And we need him. Yeah, I'm shocked by this news. But I don't think he will do that ever again. Otherwise it would have happened already. Are we really gonna judge him by something that happened ten years ago? We all did things we aren't proud of. But the past is the past."  
Carbine processed all this. He was right. Dammit. But… No. No but. She had to admit, she sometimes felt somehow jealous, about the way Throttle backed Vinnie up. Always. But she knew he would do the same for her. He already did the same for her. He was always there for her. Even when she slowly turned into a robot, a stressed General who was putting work above everything. And he stayed by her side. She needed to accept that if she wanted to be with Throttle, Vinnie was always gonna be there. Maybe she needed to talk to the white furred mouse. But she realized she couldn't. Because officially, she didn't knew this. Great. Just great. What a mess.

* * *

Please review! :)


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for the review! :)

* * *

 **Chapter eight**

Meanwhile, Throttle walked to the small 'hospital'. He walked inside and looked at Vinnie. The white furred mouse was wide awake, staring at the ceiling. He looked up to see who came inside and relaxed a bit when he saw it was Throttle.  
"Hey bro", he said. Throttle took a seat next to his bed.  
"Hey Vinnie. Glad to see you awake. How are you feeling?"  
Vinnie shrugged.  
"Okay, I guess…"  
Throttle looked him in the eye, but Vinnie turned away his head. Throttle sighed.  
"Violet knows there is something you are holding back, bro. She came to ask me what it was", he started, but Vinnie jerked up before he could finish his sentence. Throttle quickly held up his hands.  
"Chill, Vin. I didn't tell her. But she needs to know. She deserves to know."  
Vinnie was sitting cross legged on his bed. He said nothing.  
"What did you dream about, Vincent?", Throttle asked, worried as always. Caring as a big brother. Vinnie sighed and played with the tip of his tail.  
"Everything… Well, the worst parts… I couldn't escape. Man, it was… terrifying…"  
Throttle nodded, feeling sorry for his younger bro. His childhood was hard and the fact that he needed to relive it again, well… That was something he didn't deserve.  
"Listen, Vin. You are not that kinda guy anymore. Do you hear me? Yes, you did terrible things, you crossed so many lines, but the past is the past, okay? It's time to let go. To live here and now. You need to stop doubting about yourself. You know how to control yourself, most of the times. You are a good guy now. Caring. Loving. Loyal. A pain in the ass sometimes, but that is who you are. Do you hear me?"  
Vinnie looked at him, pain and confusing in his eyes.  
"I know, Throttle, trust me, I know… But letting go is not that easy. I want to. I want to let go. I want to forget everything till the day I met Violet. But I just can't. Because I am going to be a father and I really don't know how to do it. I'm scared, Throttle. So scared…", his voice broke. He took a few deep breaths, but he couldn't push it away. Saying how he felt broke down his walls. But Throttle had seen him on his worst days. He remembered now. Throttle knew and understood. The tan furred mouse clapped him on the back.  
"I know, Vincent. I was scared too, you know? Before Tread was born… I had no clue how to be a father. But I can tell you this; the moment Tread was born, the fear was gone. I had him in my arms, he looked up at me with these big eyes… Filled with trust and love. And I knew, I immediately knew: I am going to do everything to make this little guy happy. If someone even thinks about hurting him, I will be there to protect him. I will always be there. I will raise him with love and respect, but the most important thing; I will always be by his side, to guide him, to pick him up when he falls… I will be there and I will give him everything to make sure he is gonna find out who he is. To be himself. And anybody who is trying to stop him from being himself, well… You can fill that part in. Trust me, Vinnie. You are gonna be a good father. Because you are a good guy. You have your demons. But learn from them. You know how it feels to be treated like shit by your own parents. No way you will do the same to you own kid. No way. I believe in you, Vin. I always have. And I will be there, to support you when you need it. Always."  
Vinnie had listened to every word Throttle was saying, tears in his eyes. And he knew Throttle was right. Rationally, he knew. But it just didn't felt that way.  
"Throttle, I… I think I never thanked you… For being here for me. For believing in me. For taking me in, for being my bro…"  
Throttle smiled.  
"No need to thank me, Vinnie my man. I just care about you. And you are my little bro. Always. You didn't deserve all that shit."  
Vinnie nodded slowly.  
"I eh… I need to tell Violet about Elena, right?"  
This was the first time he spoke her name out loud after all these years. He had locked her away, in the deepest and darkest place in his brain. But this accident, this coma had opened the doors. He suddenly realized it maybe was a good thing. He needed to learn to live with his pain, with his sorrow, instead of locking it away. It always came back, twice as hard. He had learned that the hard way.  
"Yeah, you need to tell her."  
"Throttle? I keep thinking about what Cole said to me, you remember that?"  
Throttle nodded and waited till Vinnie was continuing.  
"I just… He was right, you know? I do deserve to be alone, to suffocate in my loneliness. I don't deserve Violet and I certainly don't deserve this child. Jezus, how is Violet gonna react if I tell her? What if she is gonna leave me? I can't even blame her. Who wants to be with a rapist?"  
"Vin… I don't have answers to your questions. What you did, was wrong. Very wrong. On so many levels. But to live your whole life in loneliness… Well, I don't think anybody deserves that… Talk to Violet. Let her decide what to do with it. But just... be honest with her. She knows you are hiding something and she is not amused. Keeping things for yourself is the worst thing you can do to her."  
Vinnie sighed and nodded.  
"I know… Hey. Throttle?"  
"Yeah, Vinnie?"  
"Thanks. For always being here for me. Without you, I probably would be dead by now. Or suffocating in my loneliness. Because of you, I have a family. And words cannot express how grateful I am. I will tell Violet and after that, I'm gonna let my past go. I know who I am. And that guy, who I saw in my dreams… I know he is a part of me. But I will never, ever let him take over control again."  
He said it with determination, but the fear was still tying his stomach in a knot. But he knew he needed to move forward. To stop looking over his shoulder all the time.  
Throttle was impressed. Maybe he finally learned. Maybe, he was finally growing up. But, really growing up. He clapped his younger bro on the shoulder.  
"You're welcome, Vin. And I am proud of you."  
Vinnie smiled at him, a little sad.

Suddenly, Violet walked in. She froze when she saw the two of them. Throttle braced himself for another scolding, but she looked at him with shame on her face.  
"Throttle, I'm so sorry about everything I've said. I don't know what was wrong with me, I…" but Throttle walked over to her and pulled her in his arms.  
"No sorry, Vi. You were right. We are on the same team. Talk to him. And please, don't judge him too hard. Okay?"  
"It really is bad, isn't it?", she whispered in his ear.  
"Yeah, it is. But I still believe in him. Let him tell you his side of the story."  
She let him go and slowly walked over to Vinnie. Throttle gave Vinnie one last smile and left the room. Violet sat down on the bed, also cross legged, so she could look him in the eye. He looked up at her, sadness and fear in his eyes. But also determination. And love. So much love.  
"Sweetheart, I wanna start with saying I'm sorry I gave you the feeling I am hiding stuff from you. And maybe I did, but that was because I just woke up from hell and I needed some time. But Throttle convinced me to tell you everything and he is right. You don't deserve this. And the thing I'm about to tell you, well… I hate myself for what I did…", he trailed off.  
He was overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. What if she was gonna leave him? That this huge mistake he made in his past, was gonna cost him his future? Gosh, he just wished he could turn back time and undo everything he had done. But he couldn't. And he needed to take the full responsibility for what he had done.  
Violet was studying his face. He really was scared. His hands were shaking, his ears twitching, just like the tip of his tail.  
"Easy, hotshot. I'm here…", she whispered and grabbed his hands. Vinnie swallowed and opened his mouth.  
"You already knew how I lost my way when I was young. But I never told you how lost. Before things got out of control, I was just a scared, little boy. I was bullied on school and my mom hated me. I was scared every day, every hour and every minute. And I hated it. So, when I was getting older and things got out of control, I slowly got angry. And I used that anger to turn myself into someone I actually wasn't. Someone who wasn't afraid of anything, someone who was feared by others. I build up huge walls, to make sure nobody was gonna hurt me again. I was done with being scared. With feeling weak. And I loved it. I need to be honest with you, I loved the power this person gave me. I used my charms to get in a girls head and pants, and it always worked. And it made me feel invincible. Nobody even thought about saying no to me, or to stop me. No one, until I met Elena…" He fell silent.  
Violet already had a nagging feeling about what was coming next, but she said nothing.  
"Elena was a young, sweet, naive girl who came at the bar one night. It was her first time there. Her parents didn't know she was there, because they found her too young and too naive to go out. She was pretty. I was drunk. I wanted her. So, I played her. I fed her drunk. I took her with me. But when things got heated up, she rejected me. She told me she wasn't ready… And I… I just snapped. I just couldn't handle the fact she wasn't doing what I wanted her to do. She was the first who said no to me in a long time. So… I pushed her on the ground. I ripped off her pants… I whispered in her ear that she was indeed naive, by trusting me… And I… I…" Vinnie couldn't continue. Tears were streaming over his face, he was staring at his hands and he broke down. He cried like he hadn't cried in a long time. Violet just stared at him, but before she even realized it, she pulled him in a tight hug. She stroked his back and let him cry.  
When he slowly calmed down, he opened his mouth again.  
"She was paralyzed by the alcohol. She couldn't escape and begged me to stop. But I didn't. I… I raped her. And after that, I just left. I left her lying on the ground. She was in shock. Her eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling. A tear that was coming out of her left eye… And I just walked away. She was fourteen years old. Fourteen… and I ruined her life. I can't justify what I did, I can't even explain why I did it. Because I simply don't understand. And believe me, there is nothing I regret more. But it happened. And I can't turn back the time. I need to live with this, the rest of my life. So, now you know…"  
Violet just held him, her heart was sore. She just couldn't help it to feel sorry for him. She wished he was raised in a loving family. That would have made him so less complicated. He would have been happy. Not damaged, not broken…  
Vinnie's heart was racing. Why wasn't she saying anything? She didn't push him away, so that was a good sign, right? He slowly untangled himself from her and looked at her. When he saw tears in her eyes, he gently cupped his hands around her face.  
"Sweetheart, please don't cry… Please… Say something…"  
Violet took a deep breath and looked in his ruby, red eyes.  
"I love you. With every fibre in my body, I love you. And I'm so sorry for everything that happened to you. For the things that turned you into a person you aren't. I need to ask you. Was this a one time thing, or…?"  
"Yes, it was. It never happened again. And it will never happen again. Ever…"  
"I believe you. So, now I know everything? No more secrets?", Violet asked, her voice soft. Vinnie looked her straight in the eye.  
"No more secrets. I promise. Bikers honour."  
Violet nodded.  
"Good. And now, you are gonna listen to me. It's time to move on, okay? I am done with living in the past. Sorry, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but we need to focus on us, on our child. You can always talk to me, but we can't change the past. We can change the future…" she stopped when she heard Vinnie breath in sharply.  
"What?", she asked, confused.  
Vinnie gave her a sad smile.  
"That words… That was exact the same thing Tread told me when he took me in, you know…"  
Violet smiled back.  
"A very wise mouse, this Tread. He was right. I am right. Sorry to say. But it's time to let go. Yes, what you did was unforgivable. And I don't think I will ever forgive you for hurting that girl. But right now… I just wanna move forward, you know?"  
Vinnie nodded.  
"I know. I will try, okay? And please, dry your tears. Don't cry for me. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve this child. But I will do everything to make you happy."  
Violet sighed and kissed him. He kissed her back and moaned softly.  
"Gosh, sweetheart… You really are something…", he whispered, leaning with his forehead against hers.  
"I know... You are too. Such a complicated guy. But god, I love you so much."  
"I love you too, pretty lady."  
He was ready. Ready to move on. But the fear was still there. The fear of being a father. But he tried to trust Throttle on this one. That when their baby was gonna be born, the fear would vanish.

"Throttle, I'm sorry. For everything I said…", Carbine whispered when they were lying in bed. Throttle turned around to face her.  
"I know. It's okay. But you need to accept that things are the way they are. You think you can do that?"  
"Yes. Yes, I can. And I will. I love you, Throttle."  
"I love you too, Carbine…"  
He kissed her and she kissed him back eagerly. But just when things started to heat up, Tread started crying. The both fell back on the bed with a deep sigh.  
"Your turn, hotshot", Carbine said. Throttle shook his head.  
"Uh uh, no way. It was my turn last night. I'm pretty sure we made a deal…", he said, smiling. Carbine giggled.  
"I know. I was just checking if you were still sharp."  
"Right. Now, go. Our son needs you. Babe."  
Carbine gave him a kiss on his cheek before she slid out of bed.  
"So bossy. Babe."

The next week, Vinnie was busy with recovering, but thanks to fast Martian Mouse healing, he was really quick back on his feet. And that was a good thing. Because one night, it was time.  
Vinnie was hugging his pillow, deeply asleep. But his peaceful night rest was interrupted by a screaming Violet.  
"VINCENT VAN WHAM! WAKE UP!"  
Vinnie jerked upright and fell out of the bed. He was searching for his weapon, but then he realized they weren't at war anymore. He quickly looked across the edge of the bed to Violet with a dazed look on his face.  
"Sweetheart, you…"  
"DON'T YOU SWEETHEART ME! THIS BABY WANTS TO GET OUT!", she screamed, holding her belly and her face twisted in pain. Her fur was soaked with sweat and her eyes were fuming.  
Vinnie stared at her with wide eyes. Holy shit. One; their baby was coming. Two; Violet was possessed by the devil. At least, that was how it looked like. He quickly called Swee.  
"Swee, Violet is possessed and the baby wants out, you need to come here, NOW! Before she kills me or… Just come over here!", he yelled in the vidom, panic taking over. He had no idea what to do, and Violet was scary, to be honest. But he needed to be there for her. He hung up and quickly jumped on the bed next to her. He grabbed her hand.  
"Easy, sweeth… Violet. Breath. Swee is on his way", he babbled, but Violet ignored him. She was breathing heavily. She held his head in an iron grip. Vinnie could feel his fingers almost got crushed.  
"Sweetheart, you are hurting me…", he softly said, trying to get his hand out of her grip. With a jerk, Violet looked into his direction.  
"I'm hurting you? You wanna switch place with me? Because only then you will know WHAT REALLY HURTS!"  
"Jezus, Violet. Okay. Chill. I'm here…"  
Violet moaned and let out a scream. Vinnie was terrified. Was this normal? Jezus, what the hell?  
To his relief, Swee ran inside their cabin, followed by Throttle, Carbine, Modo, Gaya and Dani. Vinnie's eyes grew big.  
"Maybe too crowded?", he asked with a low voice, but Violet screamed again. His ears flattened against his head.  
Swee quickly examined Violet.  
"Okay, girl. You are ready. But you need to breathe with me. You need to calm down."  
"DO NOT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!", she snapped at him, but she tried to breathe with him.  
Carbine quickly threw Throttle, Modo, Gaya and Dani out of the room and took place next to Vinnie. Even after everything that happened, she lay a hand on his shoulder.  
"You okay?", she whispered, seeing the panic and fear on his face. He shook his head.  
"Is this normal?", he asked back, softly. Carbine smiled and nodded.  
"Yeah, it is. Don't worry, Vin. I've got your back."  
Vinnie nodded and gave her a grateful smile. Carbine smiled back.  
"What are you two whispering about? I'm having a baby here, in case you didn't notice?", Violet snarled.  
Swee took place between her legs.  
"Okay, Violet. Here we go. Push."  
Violet took a deep breath and pushed. She squeezed her eyes and gritted her teeth. When she couldn't hold it any longer, she breathed out. Tears were streaming over her face. Vinnie just held her hand, whispering sweet words at her in Martian. She heard it, but couldn't react. The pain was unbearable. It felt as if her whole body was torn apart.  
"Push."  
Violet pushed and pushed, screaming. But suddenly, it was over.  
Vinnie pricked his ears and heard a soft noise. A noise he hadn't heard before. And then, crying. Swee held up a tiny, naked little mouse and lay her gently on Violet's chest.  
"It's a girl. Congratulations, you two."  
Vinnie stared at the little bundle. Jezus. Holy shit. Damn. His daughter. He felt Violet grabbed his hand, gently this time. They both looked at her. She was perfect. Her tiny little ears, her little tail… Her eyes were still closed. Carbine smiled.  
"Congratulations. I will leave you two alone now."  
But Vinnie and Violet hardly noticed she left.  
"Vinnie, she… she is perfect…", Violet sobbed. Vinnie felt his eyes filled with tears.  
"Yeah… Yeah, she is…", he answered with a hoarse voice.  
Swee came back and cut the navel cord. He quickly examined the tiny, little mouse and wrapped her in a blanket. He gently gave her back to Violet.  
"She is in perfect health. I will leave you two alone."  
Violet stared at the little bundle in her arms. She looked at Vinnie.  
"You… You wanna hold her?", she whispered.  
Vinnie felt his heart pounding, but he nodded. Violet lay their little mousie in his arms. He looked at her, at her tiny nose. Suddenly, her eyes flew open. Green. They were green. Just like her mothers. And Vinnie felt a tingle in his belly. Throttle was right. From the moment she opened her eyes and looked up at him, with unconditional love, he finally knew. He would never, ever do anything to hurt this beautiful creature. He would never damage her like his parents did to him. He was gonna take care of her. He was always gonna be there for her. Always. And he was gonna do everything it takes to be a good father to her. He looked at Violet, his eyes big. She smiled, tears in her eyes. Vinnie was loss at words. And we all know that doesn't happen that easily. But he finally felt peace inside. He was who he was. And he needed to accept that. But he vowed to himself, to his daughter, he was never gonna be that guy again. Never. Closure. The past was the past. Nothing was gonna change that. But the future… He smiled at his little daughter. The future was lying in his arms. He swung an arm around Violet and pulled her against him. He kissed her on the temple.  
"Good job, sweetheart. I'm so proud of you."  
Violet smiled at him and then looked at their little baby.  
"Hey there, Star. Welcome to this world. To this beautiful world."

' _Twinkle, twinkle, little star…  
_ _How I wonder what you are...  
_ _Up above the world so high…  
_ _Like a diamond in the sky…'_

 **The end**

* * *

Yes, this is the end for this storyline. For now, at least. But I'm not good with writing about kids and stuff. So I guess this is the real end.  
But, for those who likes my stories; I started a new one. It's a whole new story and is called 'Breaking The Habit'. I will upload it soon.  
Anyway, thanks for the support on this storyline. It has been one hell of a journey, for the characters and also for me.  
But I really enjoined writing it. Thanks again!


End file.
